dreams, nothing but silly dreams

I keep having dreams with people who were good friends of mine when I was a little kid or with places where I lived. I wonder why this is. After all, it's not like I've got any interest of talking to these people ever again or visiting those places in a near future or ever. Maybe deep in my mind I want to return to that safe haven that I thought I had as a child. Anyway what'd Sigmund Freud say?

time to forget... what if my whole life were merely a dream?

As I mentioned before (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-if-my-whole-life-were-merely-dream.html), I have trouble separating memories from fantasy. I realize that sometimes I seem to want to forget or simply act as if something never happened. This is when and where either self denial or simple confusion kicks in. I doubt myself at times especially understanding how memories are stored, accessed and how they can easily be corrupted.

Then again many things remain surreal in my mind. Hence which are true, false memories and those I'm simply trying to ignore?

what if my whole life were merely a dream?

Did the dream I had two nights ago that I remember vividly really happened? Why is it that I can think, understand and even question the events that I lived in that dream? Was I in real trouble? As soon as I woke up yesterday morning, I started looking for things like documents and other papers that I saw in this dream. Of course, I found nothing since it was a dream after all.

Sometimes I can't separate what I've lived (real memories, past experiences) from what I've dreamed at night (false and/or implanted memories, fantasy). At most, this affects about 5% of my memories.

Maybe this is the secondary effect of the medications that I've taken for the past four years to tame the demons in my head. Maybe I'm simply losing my mind. Maybe my whole life's merely a dream and I haven't woken up.

Nonetheless I need to know what's real and what's not, what's true and what's not. At that point, I'd normally rely on the experience of others. If they remember some specific experience, then I must be true. I also rely on pictures, my writings or audio/video recordings of any of these memories. Perhaps the latter is why I like having a camera with me at all times to take pictures or videos -- regardless of quality -- of the events in my life. Of course, if an event is too important, I prefer having my semi-professional equipment.