all hallows' eve

all hallows' eve:
1. costumes, mischief, birthday, drinking (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/all-hallows-eve-fun.html)
2. the forbidden, the ungodly, the heretic (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/all-hallows-eve-forbidden.html)
3. the very fucked up!

some sort of ministry: teaching from mistakes

Perhaps I'd continue convincing kids to avoid the same errors I've made like suicide, drinking to death and self-injury. This all happened in high school -- the period of my life that my mother kept telling would be the best and which we all want to return to. My mom was very wrong. It's surely a period of my life I wish I'd never lived.

I must first point out that high school and education in all is broken, obsolete and useless (Nietzsche). For the past two centuries, no one has done much to fix this mess.

Said all this, alcohol (teenage drinking) was the only way I knew to escape from killing or torturing myself -- as suicide was the escape from the pain. I've lived through that hell and I enjoy freaking out people with my stories.

wasted & godless, vices vs faith

During high school I drank every weekend (Friday night to Sunday morning; at times from Thursday night). Back then I was wasted and godless. Anyway I quit heavy drinking during my first or second year of college.

Vices are hard to quit regardless how much faith one might truly have (not say or think to have). Said this, I admit to have various vices -- no smoking, no drinking any more and never drugs -- that don't go away or that I rather haven't had the will to purge off my system.

I guess I'm no better than other Christian hypocrites, who are only "religious" on Sunday mornings. Hence I'm a sham. Now the question is if I'll always be sham. I'm working hard not to be a farce.