Blue Christmas (MMX): something to think about

By the way, the Christmas season (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx.html) brings the highest level of depression in some people and hence numbers of suicides. It also brings out the most hypocrisy out of people too as they act as if they really cared about their fellow men. This is truly the season to be dying -- either loosing your material life or your soul.

as my children saved my soul: 1991

For many years, whenever I've had that urge to destroy myself (not limited to simple suicide), I've been able to hold on my children (19, 9 & 2). Of course, the heavy medications I take every morning also do "wonders" taming the demons in my head that eat my soul.

as music saved my soul: suicide

I always say that music did save me from committing suicide when I was a teenager. The same music that many would say drive some idiots to commit suicide is the music that helped me survive. The common factor for those willing to die today and those willing to live another day (myself included) is the opportunity to escape from our sickening lives. In my case, escaping was telling everyone including my friends to FUCK OFF. Many people I knew then wanted me gone (dead) and I decided not to give them that satisfaction. That same anger that could drive someone to pull a trigger to put a bullet in his/her head is the anger that kept me alive. At the same time, the wicked humor in those songs changed the way I behave hence allowing me to mock myself and not tale me too seriously.

By the way, God might have used music to save my worthless soul.

some sort of ministry: teaching from mistakes

Perhaps I'd continue convincing kids to avoid the same errors I've made like suicide, drinking to death and self-injury. This all happened in high school -- the period of my life that my mother kept telling would be the best and which we all want to return to. My mom was very wrong. It's surely a period of my life I wish I'd never lived.

I must first point out that high school and education in all is broken, obsolete and useless (Nietzsche). For the past two centuries, no one has done much to fix this mess.

Said all this, alcohol (teenage drinking) was the only way I knew to escape from killing or torturing myself -- as suicide was the escape from the pain. I've lived through that hell and I enjoy freaking out people with my stories.