going to church in a rotten mood

This past Friday, when I was on my way to church for the Christmas Eve service (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/christmas-pageant-christmas-carols.html), it might not have been right for me to go. After all, one shouldn't go to church in a rotten mood, but rather with a peaceful heart.

I left home upset 'cause I couldn't find my winter cap. Then half a block later, an idiot almost ran me over while I was crossing the street with the proper right of way (the little "walking man" sign). I wanted to run after that idiot who'd to stop at the next red light, but I didn't. When I cooled off a bit, I wondered if such a stupidly reckless individual could be carrying a gun or other type of weapon. Maybe I just saved my hide by acting as the better man this time around.

About twenty minutes later, I felt much calmer yet thinking about the anger I had in me not even half an hour before. I might simply be another vulgar hypocrite during Christmas in it all.

Anyway, the Christmas Eve (24th) service that I've gone to since going to FAPC isn't the family service at 4pm or the late one at 10pm -- but rather at 7:30pm. Last year I volunteered to carry a candle on two of three Candle Light Services. This year I just helped with the sixteen-track Mackie sound console (a little something that I've been doing for the past month or so to make myself useful, have fun in church, but not to show off).

To my surprise, for someone who'd been away from church for more than a decade, I seem to enjoy Christmas services at FAPC a lot. I don't think that the "wrapped in swaddling clothes like a burrito" jokes from Revered Scott Black Johnston are the reason why, but they might help. It may simply be the freedom to smile and laugh within a strict need for faith, simply knowing when to laugh and when to seriously pray.

By the way, Christmas Eve services are quite an interesting social experiment as people enter and exit the church building continuously before and sporadically during the service. Some people enter and leave right away when realizing that they're in the wrong church -- Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church (Presbyterian), Saint Thomas (Anglican) and Saint Patrick's Cathedral (Catholic) within a mere three-block walk. At the same time, tourists just want to see what the building looks like from the inside. Perhaps some might even feel intimidated by the sheer size of these three churches in such a short distance. Nonetheless the main floor of the sanctuary in FAPC was at full capacity and the balcony had to be opened -- a full house on all three services.

Christmas pageant, Christmas carols & Pagan songs

This past Sunday (19th) at church, the children of the congregation reenacted the birth of Jesus reading paraphrased Scriptures and singing as the main part of each service (9:30am & 11:00am). It was fun seeing these little children leading each worship service while dressed up as Mary and Joseph, pastors, the three kings, the star of Bethlehem, sheep, chickens and other animals.

I'm glad that I stayed for both services. As any actor would tell you, each performance's different from every other. These kids did a great job and without a doubt earned the standing ovation they received. Besides, I enjoyed the challenge of doing sound for each of these two pageants including the slight feedback, some hitting a microphone stand and all.

After the second worship service (about 12:15pm), we got together at the entrance of the church to sing Christmas carols. With my somewhat off-key voice, I sang quietly (not confident enough in myself to sing in public) with some of my friends and other familiar faces from church. I'm fairly surprised how much I do enjoy real (religious) Christmas carols, which made this event a lovely experience that I was truly able to enjoy.

We also sang what I've categorized as Neo-Pagan Christmas songs (Frosty the Snowman, Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, Jingle Bells & Wish You a Merry Christmas), which have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas and most importantly Jesus. It was a bit shocking to some around me that I couldn't recall the lyrics of these Neo-Pagan Christmas songs. I've rejected the godless Christmas commercialism for so long that I've practically flushed out these Pagan songs of fictitious characters out of my. This also includes the desperation of many to kill and destroy trees for vanity -- the Christmas tree tradition. Needless to say (type) and admit, I couldn't care less for any of these traditions.

At the end, we had probably the best warm apple cider I've ever had. I was able to get two cups right before the containers were taken into the church building. Could it be that I'm finally enjoying Christmas (thanks Amy for last year (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/01/about-seven-months-later.html) instead of falling into deep and dangerous depression (annual suicide watch during the Neo-Pagan Christmas festivities)?

I want to point out that I've got nothing against Neo-Paganism, but this set of beliefs has nothing to do with Jesus and Christianity, although many Christian practices are based on ancient forms of Paganism and even Druidism.

Changing the latter subject a bit, I attended the Candlelight Christmas service for travelers (same service as the 24th, just a bit early intended for those leaving town). I enjoyed it and felt at peace with my self and others. Of course, hanging out and overlooking at the sound console -- as I do on Sundays regardless of the schedule that we originally had -- also helps.

By the way, it's 119 weeks going to FAPC, which undoubtedly is a personal record. Of course, this number doesn't indicate how many time I've gone to this church. Sometimes I've gone to two or more services and Bible study small groups during the week. I'm honestly proud of this accomplishment since I know that in the past I'd dropped out in half this time.

12/14/2008, me singing carols?

On 12/14/2008, I sang carols (12:30-1:30pm) with the neXt Ministries (men and women in their 20's, 30's... me latter group) group and met Becky who welcomed me to the Next Ministries (http://www.fapc.org/index.php/connect/for-20s-and-30s/25-focus-of-next). It feels like the constant need to belong somewhere and in a group of peers, which I still see as the reason for people to group according to common beliefs, backgrounds, likes and dislikes (roots for the structure of religion).