Coptic Christmas, what a compromise

In the Coptic (east) tradition, Christmas was the 6th of January (yesterday), not the 25th of December. This shows the compromise or decision by the Roman Catholic Church (west) and all related traditions to celebrate the birth of the Christ close to the winter solstice, a Pagan celebration (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/ok-25th-what-compromise.html).

Maybe we've adopted the date of the Coptic Christmas in the western interpretation of Christianity when we celebrate or at least remember the arrival of the Magi (a minor important date in our Christian calendar) also on the 6th of January.

All things considered, we -- insignificant earthlings -- might never really know the exact date when the Christ came to us. Nonetheless we continue to celebrate the coming of God incarnate on these two dates.

This brings us to wonder which branch of the Church is truer to the early Church or better yet to the traditions and practices of Jesus, the Christ. Once again, we might never know or bother to know -- at the same time that some might decide to hide such knowledge (further corruption in the Church, control of masses, etc).

my son's first ever seizure, a month later

Tonight I'll go to sleep mentally ready for anything. My nine-year-old had a seizure -- first time ever -- a month ago last night (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html). It's been a difficult month wondering if he'd have another seizure, perhaps even die or end up severely handicapped due to brain damage. I can only hold back my tears (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx-finally-breaking.html), pray and wait. Regardless what all the so-called experts who've seen my son say, I see a change in my son's psyche and over all behavior. His brain seems to have been affected -- for a lack of a better term, fried.

John 1:1-14

This is one part of the Gospels that the pastors at church repeated through out the different Christmas services (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/going-to-church-in-rotten-mood.html).

"1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
2 The same was in the beginning with God.
3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.
7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.
8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light.
9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.
10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.
11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.
12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father), full of grace and truth."
- John 1:1-14

I guess that, if someone repeats it many times, you'll think about its meaning.

1. At the beginning, we only had the Word of God, his teachings and prophesies.
2. The Word became flesh in the body of Jesus, the Christ, to fulfill the prophesies.
3. John the Baptist came to teach about the Word, the Light and the coming of God.
4. Jesus presented himself as God incarnate. He was accepted by some and rejected by the rest.

The coming of God to earth in the flesh of man (Jesus) is the true meaning of Christmas, which we often forget or avoid to remember.

going to church in a rotten mood

This past Friday, when I was on my way to church for the Christmas Eve service (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/christmas-pageant-christmas-carols.html), it might not have been right for me to go. After all, one shouldn't go to church in a rotten mood, but rather with a peaceful heart.

I left home upset 'cause I couldn't find my winter cap. Then half a block later, an idiot almost ran me over while I was crossing the street with the proper right of way (the little "walking man" sign). I wanted to run after that idiot who'd to stop at the next red light, but I didn't. When I cooled off a bit, I wondered if such a stupidly reckless individual could be carrying a gun or other type of weapon. Maybe I just saved my hide by acting as the better man this time around.

About twenty minutes later, I felt much calmer yet thinking about the anger I had in me not even half an hour before. I might simply be another vulgar hypocrite during Christmas in it all.

Anyway, the Christmas Eve (24th) service that I've gone to since going to FAPC isn't the family service at 4pm or the late one at 10pm -- but rather at 7:30pm. Last year I volunteered to carry a candle on two of three Candle Light Services. This year I just helped with the sixteen-track Mackie sound console (a little something that I've been doing for the past month or so to make myself useful, have fun in church, but not to show off).

To my surprise, for someone who'd been away from church for more than a decade, I seem to enjoy Christmas services at FAPC a lot. I don't think that the "wrapped in swaddling clothes like a burrito" jokes from Revered Scott Black Johnston are the reason why, but they might help. It may simply be the freedom to smile and laugh within a strict need for faith, simply knowing when to laugh and when to seriously pray.

By the way, Christmas Eve services are quite an interesting social experiment as people enter and exit the church building continuously before and sporadically during the service. Some people enter and leave right away when realizing that they're in the wrong church -- Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church (Presbyterian), Saint Thomas (Anglican) and Saint Patrick's Cathedral (Catholic) within a mere three-block walk. At the same time, tourists just want to see what the building looks like from the inside. Perhaps some might even feel intimidated by the sheer size of these three churches in such a short distance. Nonetheless the main floor of the sanctuary in FAPC was at full capacity and the balcony had to be opened -- a full house on all three services.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Through out eons, it's become the socially correct thing to do, but how much do people really mean it? It might be a true feeling for many to wish friends to have a good Christmas day (Pagan celebration most likely, including gifts and such) and good fortune the following year (future).

I haven't wished either to many in the past several years since I really don't mean it. Maybe I just want to feel or become Godly righteous. Then again, I merely be an idiot, a hypocrite, a worthless sham.

At least, I know and feel good about myself for telling my oldest child that Christmas isn't about gifts, but rather about celebrating the coming of God incarnate in the body of Jesus. Well it was the same message I sent his girlfriend who might have felt awkward having me (from all people) preach.

ok the 25th, what a compromise

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!
by the way, any cake?

http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/if-not-25th-then-when.html

if not the 25th, then when?

If Jesus wasn't born on December 25th, when was he born? Honestly the date doesn't matter. What solely matters is that God came to earth incarnate in the flesh of Jesus, the Christ.

I do believe all the various studies and historical data indicating that MAYBE the Christ didn't come to us on December 25th. I do believe the date was adopted from the Pagan custom celebrating the winter solstice and the re-birth of the earth.

Said all this, the actual birthday of the Christ could be any day of the year. We've compromised on December 25th and it really doesn't matter as long as we celebrate the coming of the Lord.

angels in the city

Since it's the Christmas (not holiday) season, I wanted to mention the angels in my hometown (NYC). There two main types of "angels" in the city -- one of them being the Guardian Angels and the other being the Hell Angels (actually a chapter of a larger group).

The Guardian Angels were (maybe still are) a group of civilians who'd patrol the streets and subway system "helping" the NYPD. They'd put order maybe not in the best politically correct manner, but the means justified the "peace" they'd bring.

The Hell Angels are a just bikers with a cool name.

As you can see, even in the toughest city in the world, angels still abide.

Jupiter, the star of Bethlehem

very interesting, well what if?

The Star of Bethlehem: Was it Jupiter?
http://news.discovery.com/space/the-star-of-bethlehem-was-it-jupiter.html

"Between Sept. 3 B.C. and May 2 B.C. there were three conjunctions (on Sept. 14, 3 B.C., Feb. 17, 2 B.C. and May 8, 2 B.C.) where Jupiter passed close to the star Regulus (the brightest star in the constellation Leo). This rare sequence of events would have looked very strange to those familiar with the night sky. [...]

The Three Wise Men, thought by many to have been zoroastrianist priests (who were also renowned astrologers) might have noticed this strange motion and considered it to be a 'sign.'"

http://www.nasa.gov/worldbook/jupiter_worldbook.html

the Spirit of Christmas

According to my mother, last night (21st) was the celebration of the coming of the Spirit of Christmas. I don't know what this is although she's told me about this celebration for the past decade or so. This sounds to me like another Neo-Pagan Christmas ritual that coincides with the winter solstice (20th).

Christmas pageant, Christmas carols & Pagan songs

This past Sunday (19th) at church, the children of the congregation reenacted the birth of Jesus reading paraphrased Scriptures and singing as the main part of each service (9:30am & 11:00am). It was fun seeing these little children leading each worship service while dressed up as Mary and Joseph, pastors, the three kings, the star of Bethlehem, sheep, chickens and other animals.

I'm glad that I stayed for both services. As any actor would tell you, each performance's different from every other. These kids did a great job and without a doubt earned the standing ovation they received. Besides, I enjoyed the challenge of doing sound for each of these two pageants including the slight feedback, some hitting a microphone stand and all.

After the second worship service (about 12:15pm), we got together at the entrance of the church to sing Christmas carols. With my somewhat off-key voice, I sang quietly (not confident enough in myself to sing in public) with some of my friends and other familiar faces from church. I'm fairly surprised how much I do enjoy real (religious) Christmas carols, which made this event a lovely experience that I was truly able to enjoy.

We also sang what I've categorized as Neo-Pagan Christmas songs (Frosty the Snowman, Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, Jingle Bells & Wish You a Merry Christmas), which have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas and most importantly Jesus. It was a bit shocking to some around me that I couldn't recall the lyrics of these Neo-Pagan Christmas songs. I've rejected the godless Christmas commercialism for so long that I've practically flushed out these Pagan songs of fictitious characters out of my. This also includes the desperation of many to kill and destroy trees for vanity -- the Christmas tree tradition. Needless to say (type) and admit, I couldn't care less for any of these traditions.

At the end, we had probably the best warm apple cider I've ever had. I was able to get two cups right before the containers were taken into the church building. Could it be that I'm finally enjoying Christmas (thanks Amy for last year (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/01/about-seven-months-later.html) instead of falling into deep and dangerous depression (annual suicide watch during the Neo-Pagan Christmas festivities)?

I want to point out that I've got nothing against Neo-Paganism, but this set of beliefs has nothing to do with Jesus and Christianity, although many Christian practices are based on ancient forms of Paganism and even Druidism.

Changing the latter subject a bit, I attended the Candlelight Christmas service for travelers (same service as the 24th, just a bit early intended for those leaving town). I enjoyed it and felt at peace with my self and others. Of course, hanging out and overlooking at the sound console -- as I do on Sundays regardless of the schedule that we originally had -- also helps.

By the way, it's 119 weeks going to FAPC, which undoubtedly is a personal record. Of course, this number doesn't indicate how many time I've gone to this church. Sometimes I've gone to two or more services and Bible study small groups during the week. I'm honestly proud of this accomplishment since I know that in the past I'd dropped out in half this time.

my son's first ever seizure, two Sundays later

Since my son had a seizure in the early hours of Monday 11/29/2010 morning (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html), I freak out every Sunday night wondering if he could suffer another seizure in early hours of the next Monday morning. This surely gives a new meaning to the "Monday Blues."

Undoubtedly I'm still worried and scared for my son's health, life and over all well being. I check on him day and night to the point that he must be sick of me. I keep waking up at all times of the night to make sure he hasn't fallen unconscious in his sleep after another seizure. Needless to say (type), at work especially, I can't stop wondering if the next phone call I get is to inform me of another emergency. At least, my mental state's much clearer after the Blue Christmas service last week (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx-finally-breaking.html).

Without much of a forcefully given choice, I'll have to learn how to live with the possibility and reality that epilepsy most likely won't go away from my child's life. Nonetheless I could at least be ready for another emergency and hopefully for anything else that "life" throws at us without letting my emotions clog my mind and/or judgment. I must definitely think this way since I've always been calm, rational, logical and practically cold-blooded after any accident or emergency and I'd hate lose this part of me.

Blue Christmas (MMX) - revisited

So I survived my pains, sorrows, depression and other demons (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx-aftershock.html). Now all I need to do now's to survive the rest of the bloody HOLIDAY season -- loneliness, hypocrisy, commercialism, stupid TV specials and joyful faces.

At least, I'll spend some quality time this CHRISTMAS helping with two of the three main services. Well I'll try to enjoy some time with my kids too.

Blue Christmas (MMX): the aftershock

As hard as I strongly doubted for a while my so-called blind faith that God will actually heal my sick little boy, I feel much calmer after the 47-minute worship service (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx-finally-breaking.html). Maybe it was the psychological factor of being vulnerable while venting and weeping in the company of someone who cared for me enough to be by my side (two pastors, the second several minutes after the first one) in a sheltered environment (the church I go to) -- hence being a mere placebo effect of feeling a higher power and protection. Of course, as a Christian, the best response would be that it was the grace and mercy of God on me, to which I'm fairly more inclined to believe. I'm nonetheless aware and deeply concerned of the possible risks and dangers that child may face from now on with his new medical condition (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html).

Blue Christmas (MMX): finally breaking down

I finally broke down right before the Blue Christmas service (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx.html). One of the pastors asked me about my children and I just broke down shamelessly weeping in church. After a long talk, the pastor told me that Jesus is with me and my child. This thought wasn't very reassuring given my state of mind at the time. After all, I've prayed asking for God to heal my son for the past eight years and I've held to a blind faith that he'd heal my son. A little time later, another pastor came to me, put his hand on my shoulder and seemed to have prayed for me and then asked me to see him at some near future date.

So far, it's been so little that we've been able to achieve to improve my child's quality of life. Maybe I don't have enough faith that Jesus will help my son. Maybe I've lost most of the little faith that I held on to about a little bit over a year ago. Hence I constantly ask myself the same questions.

1. Have I done anything so bad that my child's got to pay for my sins?
   
   
2. If the latter were true, must my child suffer every second of his life for something we'll never figure out in order for me to mend it right away?
   
   Then again, I can't get in my mind that God could be cruel and hurt an innocent child (my son) to punish someone (me). In all, I don't want to see my child suffer any more. I'd definitely do anything for him to be well.
   
   
3. Can anyone just tell me what in the bloody fuck I must do -- besides praying, putting my faith in God and looking for a scientific "cure" of sorts?

Blue Christmas (MMX): something to think about

By the way, the Christmas season (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/blue-christmas-mmx.html) brings the highest level of depression in some people and hence numbers of suicides. It also brings out the most hypocrisy out of people too as they act as if they really cared about their fellow men. This is truly the season to be dying -- either loosing your material life or your soul.

Blue Christmas (MMX)

I'm looking forward to tonight's Blue Christmas worship service (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/01/about-seven-months-later.html). I'm glad that there's such a thing as a Christmas service for those of us who are blue (sad, depressed, troubled, lonesome, etc; in my case, all the latter). Sometimes Christmas (the Mass of the Christ, the celebration of the coming of Messiah, the incarnation of God) isn't as joyful for some (myself included) as it seems to be for the majority of others.

I must admit that I'm always blue during Christmas, which stopped being fun over two decades ago. This is simply not my favorite time of the year. Now with my son suffering a seizure (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html), I feel even worse. In the past ten days or so, I've been able to see deeper into the soul of those so-called experts who once promised to look after the sick and especially the handicapped. Hence I'm in no mood to be joyful. It hurts deeply to see him not being able to enjoy the whole "holiday" charade and the stupid TV specials like other children. As someone told me last night, there's a possibility that any day could be my son's last and I simply don't have any intention of burying my son so early in his broken and limited life.

One thing that's made it easier for me to cope with all the charade of love and joy charade of the season has been listening to my all-time favorite Christmas record, Excelsis v.2 ~ a winter's song (http://www.projekt.com/projekt/product.asp?sku=PRO00092) with goth rock bands interpreting Christmas songs much more beautifully than I've ever heard them.

In all, this will be another dark and depressing Christmas. I might just lock myself in my room and watch Japanese horror/gore movies or whatever I might be in the mood for. Of course, my mother as usual will try to cheer me up and fail miserably only making me more upset.

On a good note, during the Christmas services, I'd try to help as much as I can and feel useful serving God in some cheap way -- all the while feeling miserable inside. Hopefully I'd be able to hold on to whatever's left of my faith.

Neo-Pagan Christianity

Especially in the environment that I grew up in, Pagan traditions co-existed with Christian (Catholic) ones. I don't simply refer to celebrating the birth of the Christ in December -- whether the Baby Jesus was born in December or some other month as contested by scholars as a possible alteration of the date by the early Church.

There were many superstitions that were incorporated into the Christian (maybe more into the Catholic) practice and doctrine. Maybe this is the true way that religion gets transformed through out time to accommodate Pagan beliefs of the masses.

Whatever the case, the practice of Christianity that I've seen forming around me is somewhat of a Neo-Pagan/Christian doctrine, in which people believe in God but don't trust the Church all the while doing as they please. For example, there are Christians who drink and/or do drugs, sleep around (recreational sex or looking for love) and/or refuse to go to any church (biggest group) all the while believing in God and even praying. This behavior would've been seen as HERETIC and even SATANIC several years ago (before I was born, most likely, great thing about being born after the hippie era). Nowadays this over all behavior's become part of most cultures in the Western world and hence tolerated by the Church.

As a matter of fact, most (99.8%) of the people I know (single, never married, separated or divorced) have been in a sexual relation with someone at least once at some point of their lives. Most of these people are good law-abiding citizens, good people in all. Of course, about more than half of this group have no desire to go to a church of any sort, but still consider themselves Christians or religious (myself included for about thirteen years).

turkey, the holy bird

Many Christians in many parts of the world celebrate Christmas (happy birthday Jesus) with special feasts eating particular foods based on culture, tradition and/or society. In the US, the celebration of Christmas -- as well as Thanksgiving (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/giving-thanks.html) -- includes eating turkey.

When did eating the flesh of animals become part of any Christian celebration -- especially Christmas? Maybe it's time to spare a turkey (or any other animal, for that matter) and join Jesus in a temple during the celebration of God's incarnation and coming to earth.

Better yet, celebrating Christmas with a vegetarian dinner might even be a better idea. Why should we slaughter an animal to celebrate the coming of God? Shouldn't we better celebrate God by celebrating His creation?

By the way, if you're in NYC, come and join me at FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/news/502-advent-marks-new-season) to celebrate Christmas. I hope to see you there.

murdered trees, gifts, snow & joy: puppet show in the manger

On a personal note (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/murdered-trees-gifts-snow-joy.html), we'll just have the little Nativity set that I've got my little boys last year in church. It consists of a small barn, a finger puppet for Mary and another for Joseph, a plush lamb, a plush camel and baby Jesus swaddled in the manger (picture below). My two-year-old loves to play with it -- most likely not understanding what the Nativity set represents. Maybe this is how children learn and enjoy religion while growing up as "true" children of God.