why!?

It's become difficult to cultivate Christianity in my two younger children. I can't take them to church like other parents take their kids. I tried once. They got restless and even confused especially standing up and sitting down several during the service. My boys thought we were leaving when I stood up at the beginning of worship.

Why can't I take my children to church with me and have them by my side during worship? My nine-year-old with his medical condition was uncomfortable and actually had to eat during the service. I feel like I'm torturing them putting them in a situation that they're not familiar with.

Meanwhile some of the few people (friends and acquaintances) who know about my nine-year-old's health have shown some level of respect or consideration that I've gone to church every Sunday for over two straight years. Some even see this as a way to "save" their souls.

A pastor even called me this past Friday to check on me. She asked me about my nine-year-old's health. It was strange for me to get that call. After all she's practically a stranger and yet she's worried about my sick child. She even mentioned that she admired me for taking care of my sick little boy. After all, it's my obligation to care for him and I gladly do it.

what in the bloody hell?

At times I wonder what the use of holding on to my faith could actually be. I keep looking for a way to get my nine-year-old healthy. Everything I try just falls apart and ends up being nothing more than a waste of time and effort. This gets me down and makes me want to cry. What in the bloody hell am I doing wrong!?

100th week

Yesterday was the 100th Sunday going to church. I guess it was something to celebrate about. I'm proud and happy for myself.

As a matter of fact, I can't stop thinking the Lord has given me a gift for at least trying to be a good Christian for the past 100 weeks. I truly feel blessed right now -- not merely for having the possibility to bring my son (9) to health. Surprisingly enough, this past Saturday I received a letter for an opportunity for a promotion at work (new title, more money, etc). Now I've got to see if I can score that job or title (money).

faith & health

Sometimes you can only hold on to faith (God, yourself, someone, something, etc). I hold on to my faith that one day my son would be 100% well and healthy. Of course, I'm not going to wait for a miracle. I'll try all possibilities and hope that one of them is the correct one. I'll just let God guide me 'cause sometimes my cross is too heavy.

My son is non-verbal and needs an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC; http://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/AAC.htm) device, which can cost around $5000 (what a ridiculous and offensive price). As an alternative, I bought TapToTalk (http://www.taptotalk.com/) and a Gameboy (http://www.nintendo.com/ds/systems/dsixl) for my son to use as an AAC device for about $300. Sometimes money is the least of my concerns specially when it comes to my son's health, but I don't have $5000 (cash or credit) right now to pay for a "real" ACC device.

In all, this is practically an experiment. I don't know how this will turn out and I might write more later.