no idea what to do

One thing that truly drives me crazy about having attention deficit disorder (ADD) is getting bored much too easily. Sometimes I spend hours trying to find out what to do. For example, deciding what to have for lunch can take my full lunch hour, in which I'd rather bring something from home. Hence I often do things impulsively (first thing that pops in my mind) to avoid thinking -- the excessive thinking.

Music does stop me from thinking uncontrollably as I can analyze the music, lyrics and the art in such. I always (99.8% of the time) have music on even when I'm reading just to block out the outside world. Unfortunately this morning the battery of my MP3 player has no charge.

As I'm writing this entry, I need to concentrate in order not to let my mind wander. Too many ideas flood my mind that I can't develop at least one single constant idea properly. I can't even play Klondike (Solitaire) to kill time during my 45-minute subway commute (close to two hours by bus) since I'm distracted. I don't feel like writing (poetry, prose or other material) or reading an ebook or two. I don't feel like writing anything spiritual (Christian). Hence I'm here merely putting my random ideas down, typing them on my BlackBerry as I look around observing the behavior of strangers in the train bound by the ties of norms and society.

writing for the sake of writing

I've been writing lots of material for the sake of writing (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/my-writing.html). Maybe it's my desperate attempt to achieve something or simply prove something to someone -- myself perhaps. Nonetheless writing lots of material makes me a better Christian or person for that matter. Anyway the question remains then. Why am I writing for the sake of writing? Maybe I'm so bored that I need to kill time writing.

my writing

I've written poetry and prose on various topics from music and technology to violence and graphic sex for over two decades.

I've usually had religious concepts in my stories and poems. As a matter of fact, I've used some of the same religious characters -- including a priest -- over and over in my stories. Although these have been minor characters, I've used them to bring the good on the other characters even when jumping from one story to another. From a practical point of view, these characters tie in all the stories together (most of which based in NYC), but at the end of the day this is all fiction.

Religion is such a harder topic to write about. I write about my feelings, pains, doubts and some other details about my broken faith. Hence writing this blog can probably one of the hardest and yet most soul-baring things I've ever done.