Wednesday, June 23, 2010

my addictive behavior

As I mentioned before (, I shared part of my life with a girl who had a mental and emotional condition. One reason I continued going out with her regardless of her mental condition was my need to have someone at my side. Perhaps that is the same reason why she continued coming back and holding on to the relationship for almost two years.

Fear of being alone can be addictive and self-destructing perhaps more than illegal drugs and prescription drugs. You'd continue with that person whether there's love or not, whether you're using that other person or being used. If there's no connection, a couple should break up, but as most forms of addiction it stops us from taking any reasonable decision. Hence we continue hurting ourselves regardless of the consequences including death and violence (fun sexual violence or simply physical abuse).

Perhaps this is why the lonely look for God. We all need someone at our side -- man, woman, son/daughter or one's faith. After two decades or so, I've learned that I needed to find God. Maybe I have or maybe I still need to. At this point, I'm confused (no surprise there).