trying to raise my boys as Christians

I'm trying to do something that my parents never really did for me. They had or seemed to have little to no religious tendency or desire when I was growing up. Surprisingly enough, I was taken to church to do my First Communion -- perhaps as a real desire for me to be Catholic or simply as a cultural activity and/or a norm reinforced by society.

My father used to meet with Jehovah's Witnesses (http://www.watchtower.org/). As a small child (under six years of age), I remember seeing magazines like Awake and The Watchtower around our home. Through out all this time (several years after hippies, flower power and what's now referred to as "new age"), he started reading Tarot and even had a crystal ball (acts and practices that can be considered witchcraft or simply unholy) to exploit what would be considered extrasensory perception (ESP; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extrasensory_perception). Nonetheless he was still calling himself a Christian. During his third marriage (about four years after separating from my mother), he started going to some Protestant church. I can't believe that he really feels what he's doing. I still are it as a cheap charade.

My mother was more distanced or simply apathetic about religion. About 15 years ago, she started following Sai Baba (http://www.sathyasai.org/). From her point of view, she's still a Christian although going to Hindu temple/group at least once a week.

In all this mix, my maternal grandmother (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/remembering-my-grandmother.html) taught me the little I knew and understood of being Catholic.

I feel like I've told this story thousands of times.

As I wanted to point out, I want to raise my boys as Christians. At least there has been no problem in the case of my first-born. His mother was raised as a hardcore Catholic going to Church almost every Sunday (if not always). Now my younger two have been a true test, but I hope I'm getting there. Then again, I don't have the real religious background to teach them.

My over all knowledge of Christianity and faiths is basically based on what I've read and studied the Bible and other religious texts. My practice is still fairly limited (textbook knowledge vs wisdom from practice).

Since I mentioned ESP when criticizing my father, I also have some level of ESP. I can feel good and evil, trust and lack of. Once about two decades ago, a priest asked me if I believed in witchcraft, to which I said I did (and still do). He only asked never to practice it. Maybe he knew my father or could feel how strange I could be at times. In all some might call it a gut feeling. Then again I might simply have a very smart gut.

Now how can an unholy be a Christian after all and teach his young about the Trinity of God?

getting old & exploiting human vanity

Many humans refuse to age, break, decay and face death. Getting bald, wrinkled and -- simply speaking -- old are signs of aging. As most humans know and realize, age and life are related as life and death itself. Yet many merchants (companies) promote and sell eternal youth, exploiting human vanity of both men and women alike. In itself, this might only be a reason to cheat death, perhaps play the role of a god stopping time within us and be eternal (not dying).

On a personal level, I'm getting old and my body's failing, but I won't patch myself up outside while my inside is damaged, aged and torn. Nonetheless I try to eat healthy and have been a vegetarian for over 15 years. At the same time, what I've tried hard to repair in myself is my faith. Now I guess it's time to repair my back (slight dislocation of the lower lumbar vertebrae), clean my digestive system, removing toxins in the bloodstream and lose some weight (at least 50 lbs).

Gott ist NEIN tot! (revisited)

One of my favorite writer (philosopher actually) is Nietzsche. As much as his material was always anti-Christian and anti-church, his material makes me analyze my deepest Christian beliefs.

One can learn from his ideologies and/or statements. See example below.

"Gott ist tot!"
(http://culteducassette.blogspot.com/2010/05/gott-ist-nein-tot.html)

With this statement, he pointed out how Christianity was corrupted, broken, fake and hence dead. The blame's clearly on us, Christians and on Christ.

To me Nietzsche is somewhat of a teacher making me think all the time and pointing out errors in the Church -- its politics, lies, deception and other negative aspects that are the result of human greed, misunderstanding or simple stupidity.

In all, regardless how broken the Church is and how greedy humanity can be or become, GOD IS STILL AND EVER HAS BEEN ALIVE!

judgment day: 05/21/2011

I don't know what to think of this. After all May 21st is my youngest son's birthday.

"Judgment Day: May 21, 2011"
http://www.familyradio.com/

living in New York, sin & weather

Living in New York can a test to one's sanity. This city might just be the worst part of earth to be a Christian or a believer regardless of religion or faith. I'll list a few reasons why.

1. People (myself included much too many times) are rude and annoying to others. For example, in the subway you can be surrounded by nice people, idiots, thieves, murderers or any type of individual you can think of. The same is true in the streets, work and pretty much everywhere in the city. You never really know how others would react provoked or not hence you need to remain in a constant defensive mode.

2. Winter is brutal (5°F in the coldest of winter with winds up to 30 mph) and summer can be even worse (105°F with 100% humidity). Temperatures go from one extreme to the other. As the weather is right now (92°F on 05/26/2010, too early for this weather; http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KNYC/2010/5/26/DailyHistory.html?req_city=NA&req_state=NA&req_statename=NA), it seems this year will more brutal than others. This makes a big number of people wear as little as possible during summer -- next to nothing leaving very little to the imagination or barely covering themselves.

3. Drugs, alcohol and other vices are also everywhere. It's hard to raise a child here, but not impossible. It's just a matter of supervision and trust. As a parent, you must do to everything possible not to allow your children to lose the naive (practically blind) trust that as little children they had in you.

The whole environment of the city is toxic and can sure test a person's will and/or faith. You either think about having sex with the semi-nude inhabitants (above #2) or punching the idiots in the face (above #1). I often fall on the second group.

Nonetheless, if you were to ask my friends or me, we wouldn't want to live anywhere else. Needless to say, most of my friends are good people and spiritual, but just a few go to church or temple. Then again as I've mentioned, it's hard to be 100% Christian (good, loving, godly, etc) in this city.

oil spill, day 38

I'm a conservative and a registered republican (http://www.gop.com/). By the way, I'd rather see Sarah Palin (http://www.sarahpac.com/) in office than these idiots currently making a mockery in this nation.

Putting religious beliefs aside and political ideology (which nowadays are practically a taboo in this godless society), this is environmental murder and no one seems to really care about the oil spill in the Louisiana/Gulf of Mexico area going on for the past 38 days (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/30/louisiana-oil-spill-2010_n_558287.html).

There are many ways to clean up this mess created by corporation greed, which involve the burning and/or destruction of the oil. Of course, corporation greed prefers to rescue the oil. Meanwhile, this oil's poisoning the water, ground and air. It's only a matter of time till lots of animals start dying including humans (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/tx/7025822.html).

drugs, nirvana & God

A good friend of mine during Bible study mentioned that a person can feel God in a state of self peace or level of meditation. To this I mentioned the word "nirvana" that perhaps fits the concept better. Then I mentioned that some drugs cause a similar effect of relaxation (during the high, not the after-effect). I immediately asked her if being high (like an acid trip) was a good way to get closer to God. Her response was a weird facial expression on disbelief and surprise. I just laughed and quickly explained that I was playing with her.

Joking aside, I do have that theory that many people do drugs to find a connection with God (heaven, nirvana, peace, etc) -- while escaping from material (earthy) realities. Now I'm not saying that one has to take drugs like LSD to "ascend" to heaven, but meditation and being one with creation (like Lectio Divina) is one of several ways to feel God's presence and love.

something to think about and laugh -- from The Onion

Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming

in response to "Serve Somewhere!"

In response to "Serve Somewhere!"
http://www.throwmountains.com/blog/serve-somewhere/
by Renee Johnson (http://www.devotionaldiva.com/)

Serving, yes, brings out the best in all of us. There's a psychological as well as a relgious reaction to serving (helping, volunteering, etc).

Psychologically it makes the individual feel useful, needed at good for some purpose. At the same time it can make the individual greedy, snobbish and plain stupid. This latter attitude belittles the effort or serving in the first place making it a mere job in order to get some level of recognition -- being practically someone using those who need some level of help for his/her selfish needs or desires.

Religiously it's a way to serve God by serving/helping others (men, women. children, the needy or not, the broken or not, etc) or some other related purpose (volunteering at Church as a whole -- in the good of God, of course). This brings the feeling of being useful, needed and good for a higher cause as I mentioned in the psychological motive and/or reaction.

In all, one has to do good serving/volunteering and be humble before, while and after doing so. This also means being quiet about our deeds and not bragging. This last comment is applicable for anyone regardless of religion or faith, sex, color or any other label that we put on ourselves or others put on us.

religion, science fiction, real science

What does me smile is the hidden meaning while using the word "Babel" (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2011:1-9&version=KJV) its or concept in science fiction and computer science. In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (BBC, 1981; http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/ & movie, 2005; http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371724/), the Babel is a fish that people would put in their inner ear that would translate what others would say. In "Doctor Who" (BBC, 1963-1986 & 2005 to present; http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/episodeguide/ & http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/) the TARDIS (the character's space-time vehicle, practically a secondary main character with an intelligence and life of its own; http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/dw/characters/TARDIS) can translate languages directly into the mind of those who travel in it and are its proximity. In the computer field, Babel Fish (perhaps more of a reference to "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" than to the Tower of Babel, http://babelfish.yahoo.com/) is a translation service that has a fish as its mascot and as part of its logotype. Maybe I'm too much of a nerd mixing religion with science fiction and "real" science.

to tithe or not to tithe... yet never enough

The Bible says that we should give 10% of the gifts that God has given us back to God -- well actually to the church for its outreach ministries especially and to cover other monetary obligations (rent, utilities, taxes, etc). In a modern world, this means 10% of our income. In other words, we must return a dime for every dollar, a dollar for every ten, ten for every hundred, a hundred for every thousand. Well you get the idea.

Said the latter, each of my boys should give a dime for every dollar I give them for sweets or such goodies. Honestly I don't think they would be thrilled by the idea.

The problem is what to do when one's money is spent in personal debts, medical expenses and such (90 to 95%). Can a person do both -- tithe and take care of himself and family while living paycheck to paycheck?

Most people in this latter scenario would cover his own expenses especially when dealing with family and/or medical expenses. Why do I bring this up? I don't have enough money (sometimes any left over) to tithe after expenses on my children and medical expenses, neither of which is optional. I merely give what I can -- a set dollar amount every week. Yet I know this isn't enough, never enough.

religion in a technological world

Technology is a great way (maybe the best way after the Gutenberg press and the publishing the Bible for common people to read and study, circa 1450, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gutenberg_Bible) to propagate the name of God. For example, if a church or congregation leader wants to communicate with others for any reason whatsoever, he/she can send an email, post a quick note on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/) and/or Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/) aside from posting such information on the church website.

In a real life example, the pastor at FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) sent an urgent email this past winter during a heavy storm indicating that many children activities and the 9:30 service were canceled for that Sunday. This way the congregation knew that the church would open late and Sunday school was canceled for that Sunday only.

Groups like Geeks and God (http://www.geeksandgod.com/) promote open source technologies to create websites, forums, email systems and other services that a church can use to reach its congregation and others. For example, some churches have a live feed of their service for those who can't go to church for whatever reason (handicapped, elderly, etc) or excuse.

At the same time, some companies offer their services for free for non-profit organizations (churches included, of course not using the words "church" or "religion" to be politically correct). In this latter case, Google (http://www.google.com/) fits perfectly providing some services for free to promote other or the same services in a larger scale for a fee.

I will stop here 'cause I can write for hours about technology. I might continue later.

aliens, monsters and other weird creatures -- what if?

Growing up I used to watch lots of science fiction movies and TV shows with aliens, monsters and other weird creatures (lots of black and white "horror" movies, especially with characters like Dracula and Frankenstein). Well I still wonder if there's life elsewhere in the cosmos.

Maybe earth's not the only inhabited chunk of rock in the universe. Maybe there are more of us somewhere else. Maybe, just maybe, we're not his first children, perhaps not even his last. Could this explain the missing link?

fear vs paranoia

Taking the subway this evening, there were cops all around peeking several times into different train cars. I guess it'd be fine if one cop checked a single car. Another different thing is when various cops checked the same cars several times.

It just gave me a weird vive as if there was some secret piece of information that we -- civilians -- aren't supposed to know. It might just be the sort of the long-lasting fear that this city has had since 9/11. Is some other idiot (or group of) out there planing to hurt us?

When will humans and other humanoids learn to live in peace? There's one God, but we've given him hundreds (if not thousands) of names and decided to worship him in as many ways. God wants us to live in harmony, not at each other's throats. We -- humanoids -- may be too stupid to ever learn.

visited a Methodist church

So I visited a Methodist church in NYC (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/getting-ready-for-round-two.html). It was the second time that I entered this church (building). The first time I walked in and out in less than 10 minutes. This time around, I sat through out the service. As curious as I am, I took notes. Since I was confused at times, I can use this notes to understand the service. Well it was an experience and maybe I won't go back to that church.

faith & health

Sometimes you can only hold on to faith (God, yourself, someone, something, etc). I hold on to my faith that one day my son would be 100% well and healthy. Of course, I'm not going to wait for a miracle. I'll try all possibilities and hope that one of them is the correct one. I'll just let God guide me 'cause sometimes my cross is too heavy.

My son is non-verbal and needs an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC; http://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/AAC.htm) device, which can cost around $5000 (what a ridiculous and offensive price). As an alternative, I bought TapToTalk (http://www.taptotalk.com/) and a Gameboy (http://www.nintendo.com/ds/systems/dsixl) for my son to use as an AAC device for about $300. Sometimes money is the least of my concerns specially when it comes to my son's health, but I don't have $5000 (cash or credit) right now to pay for a "real" ACC device.

In all, this is practically an experiment. I don't know how this will turn out and I might write more later.

my church friends, unexpected fellowship

When I started going to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/), making friends was something I had considered. After all, that had never been my experience in any religious circle. As a matter of fact, my experience had been that of the individual sharing practically nothing in common other than considering ourselves to be "true" Christians.

During the first months, I read a lot of information on Christianity, divisions and differences in the Church, denominations, schism, Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Knox and anything else I could get my hands on. I wanted to make sure that what I had considered to be a "true" Christian would somehow fit into whatever new ideologies I was encountering in this different church. Nowadays Protestant Christianity makes more sense to me than my previous 37 years calling myself and/or being considered Catholic (born into a Catholic family/society and going to Catholic churches, all the while considering Protestants wrong).

Going back to the main subject, I started talking to other church goers asking questions here and there -- nothing special, nothing personal, other than the Christian faith. I then started going to these one-hour talks/classes. I slowly started hanging out in church with the same group of people and making friends there without realizing (fellowship). I also took several Bible study classes and met others and got to know some of the previous group of people somewhat better.

These new group of friends are guys whom I can talk, joke, laugh, eat (perhaps the favorite activity) and most importantly share a common faith (being Christian, perhaps with some differences in Christology -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christology --here and there). As a matter of fact, nowadays some of my dearest friends are from church. At the same time, I'm very grateful to some of them for helping me grow as a Christian and a better person (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/open-letter-to-my-friends-86-weeks.html).

I doesn't stop to amaze me how weird this one church is that these random people (myself included) have come together from different parts -- all coming to a common time and place in the universe. I don't think any of them is from NYC (myself included though living 27 years in this city).

my life

Listening to The Ramones, I remember a better part of my life, when life itself was easier. About this same time, I had very little need for church and at times even the Godhead.

Being away from church for about 13 years doesn't mean that I didn't think about the Godhead. I took time to read and study about different religions and faiths -- my favorites being Krishna and Islam. In 2008, I returned to the Church, but first I needed to know what church and/or congregation (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2008/12/confused-no-news-there.html) would be the best option for me.

As much as I want to be a good Christian properly speaking, there's still a deep and dark side of my soul with violence and anger. At the same time, as much as I want to be a good person, I know that I have to take medications for the chemical imbalance in the brain to simply bear the pressure of life itself. In all, I'm merely willing and confused soul in a broken body.

Ironically I question myself for the purpose of this blog. Is this a constant rant (most likely), a waste of time (highly likely), a way to help others (most likely not), a way to brag about myself (definitely not), a way to be close to God (maybe), an on-line church (no way) or perhaps a form of ministry (highly doubtful)? I don't have a real answer. I wish it was all were true except for bragging, of course.

At the same time, there are many aspects in my life that I try to achieve or hold on to -- other than computer science (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/being-geek-and-christian.html).

1. I'm interested in photography as an artistic medium. I shoot photos whenever I have a good excuse to do so -- currently for FAPC (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/04/new-york-concerns-new-york.html).

2. I've also done my share of poetry, prose and music. I'm fairly happy with what I've accomplished specially in poetry. At the same time, I've been my own worse critic on my prose for the past thirty years or so. Nonetheless I always find an excuse to write -- like this blog for example.

3. Learning languages (for example, German; http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/gott-ist-nein-tot.html), societies and other human behaviors. As a matter of fact, I drive some of my friends crazy with my interpretations of the human animal behavior (especially Leia, sorry kiddo).

4. One area that I'm fairly bad at is being a father. Aside from providing and protecting them, I do fail in the social interaction. Maybe I'm too much of a geek narrowing my socialization to computers, television, arts and church. I know I must improve in this field. On a much more positive note, with my three boys (ages 18, 8 and 2), I guess that I've finally learned to think that my life hasn't been a total waste of time.

After all this long log entry, I must accept that at times I'm a godless Christian and that I must really find Christ in order to live my broken life peacefully with myself.

domestic idiots, NYC in danger

This is really stupid! Where's common sense? What's the idea of putting this city in constant danger by foreign and domestic idiots?

Read the article (excerpt below) by the NY Post, which is a somewhat conservative newspaper (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/obama_bombing_attempt_nyc_anti_terror_aP3bWkcJDfhMCrks0MNrqO).

Obama to cut NYC anti-terror funding even after Times Sq. bombing attempt
"WASHINGTON -- The Obama administration will announce tomorrow it has slashed anti-terror funds for New York City, despite the attempted Times Square bombing less than two weeks ago that underscored the enormous threat to the city.

The Department of Homeland Security informed New York officials yesterday that grants to the city were cut 27 percent for mass transit security and 25 percent for port security."

Now read the article (excerpt below) by the New York Daily News, which is somewhat of a liberal newspaper. Surprisingly these two newspapers both agree. You must live in NYC to understand this last comment (http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2010/05/13/2010-05-13_mr_president_youre_making_our_city_less_safe.html).

Anti-terror funding cuts: President Obama is making New York City less safe
Well, Mr. President, maybe when you come to the city for a political fund-raiser today you can explain how you can allow cuts in funding to protect those of us who live, work and raise our kids in the terrorists' bull's-eye.

Cuts that come in the immediate aftermath of the attempted car bombing in Times Square.

Which came in the aftermath of the attempted bombings in the subway.

Which came in the aftermath of a dozen other attempted attacks.

Which came in the aftermath of the mass murder of thousands on 9/11.

All of which came before the next attempt, which is sure to come.

Gott ist NEIN tot!

"Gott ist [NEIN] tot!"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_is_dead

Nietzsche said that God was dead.

As much as I like Nietzsche, I must correct him. God is alive.

my skeptical (atheist) friends

Speaking of atheists (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/being-geek-and-christian.html), two of my childhood friends -- atheists, hardcore skeptical, scientists in their own right with doctorates and such -- do have some valid points to their reasoning from a scientific point of view, which make me think and look for a religious/scientific answer their claims. It's the never ending quarrel (two against one) between friends, which we often avoid. Nonetheless I want to win the battle and prove them that there's a Godhead and make them worship God in whatever way (religion) they see fit.

Needless to say, most of my friends believe in God following different religious beliefs -- not only Christian.

In all this might be why I like reading Friedrich Nietzsche ("Gott ist tot"). His material always make me more interested in Christianity as well as forcing me to analyze my religious beliefs against my understanding of science.

being a geek and Christian

My major areas of interest are computer science and other technologies, music, movies (foreign, independent and just plain weird), poetry and prose, religion and television (my TiVo) as well other areas in science (mental disorders, physics, etc). I listed these fields of interest alphabetically for fun and because of my OCD.

After bragging about myself, I must humbly explain why I did it. There's the belief that a person of science (computers in my case) is too skeptical due to lack of hard evidence to have faith in the Godhead regardless of religion.

Said the latter, at times I think too much in what science has revealed to us mortals as true and have difficulty having the kind of blind faith that religion as a cultural norm demands. My deviant behavior at times can be too much to take. For example, the burning bush (Exodus 3:1-15) wasn't consumed and my comment during Bible study was about the lack of fumes (chemical and physical changes in the carbon-based living organism) to emphasize on the miracle described in the Bible. As a matter of fact, I'm still trying to place dinosaurs in the creation of the world as explained in the book of Genesis. Sometimes it's practically impossible to marry scientific facts with religious beliefs.

1 One day Moses was tending the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, the priest of Midian. He led the flock far into the wilderness and came to Sinai, the mountain of God. 2 There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the middle of a bush. Moses stared in amazement. Though the bush was engulfed in flames, it didn't burn up. 3 "This is amazing," Moses said to himself. "Why isn't that bush burning up? I must go see it."

4 When the Lord saw Moses coming to take a closer look, God called to him from the middle of the bush, "Moses! Moses!"

"Here I am!" Moses replied.

5 "Do not come any closer," the Lord warned. "Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground. 6 I am the God of your father--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." When Moses heard this, he covered his face because he was afraid to look at God.

7 Then the Lord told him, "I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers. Yes, I am aware of their suffering. 8 So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land. It is a land flowing with milk and honey--the land where the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites now live. 9 Look! The cry of the people of Israel has reached me, and I have seen how harshly the Egyptians abuse them. 10 Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt."

11 But Moses protested to God, "Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?"

12 God answered, "I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain."

13 But Moses protested, "If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, 'The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,' they will ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what should I tell them?"

14 God replied to Moses, "I Am Who I Am. Say this to the people of Israel: I Am has sent me to you." 15 God also said to Moses, "Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh, the God of your ancestors--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob--has sent me to you.

This is my eternal name,
my name to remember for all generations.

Exodus 3:1-15 (KJV)

In all how does God affect science and the universe? I'm still trying to find out. Does this make some kind of science expert? No, it only makes me curious to learn and relate science and God in a way that I can argue to my atheist friends.

afraid not to go to church one Sunday

Sometimes I wonder if it'd be too much of a big deal if I don't go to church one Sunday (considered a mortal sin in the Catholic church and tradition -- an idea not highly promoted in the Protestant Church). Well on my own accord, aside from breaking my personal record of 87 weeks straight going to church (FAPC; http://www.fapc.org/), I might feel that I could start skipping more Sundays perhaps much more often to the point where I might stop going all together. It's happened before and I've ended up not going to church for almost 13 years. I'm afraid to once again falling into a vicious cycle of going to church Sunday after Sunday and then disappearing for years at a time.

For the time being, I don't have any valid excuse (definitely no reason at all) to stop. I'd continue going to church -- specifically FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) where I feel most comfortable.

Now I must admit that I'm not sure if the increasing number of weeks that I've gone to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) feeds my ego or nourishes my soul. All I know is that I want to continue going to church at least once a week. Said the latter, at times I've gone to church three to four times in the same week as a personal need to get something. It used to be shelter, a way to hide from the world and from myself, a way to find God.

Nowadays what's that need and why do I have it? Could it be that I've found God and now I'm not too desperate to continue looking for him? Could it be that once again I'm losing my faith? Am I being truthful to myself and to God worshiping every Sunday and/or spending many hours in church (8:45am to about 2:00pm almost every Sunday, excluding summer time)?

Case for Jesus (revisited)

I'm looking into other works by Lee Strobel (http://www.leestrobel.com/) in Netflix. I watched 'Case for Jesus' (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/04/case-for-christ-documentary-on-gospels.html), which I liked a lot. Now this is strange after reading lots of material written by Friedrich Nietzsche (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Nietzsche).

denominations, not be a proper Christian thing?

This is something to think about. Denominations (labels) may not be a proper Christian thing.

"By the way - We Are Not Denominational

We take this very seriously. We are not only non-denominational; we are opposed to denominationalism. Our rejection of denominational involvement results from our effort to do only what Jesus authorized. He did not establish denominations. Early Christians were not members of denominations; if they could be Christians without denominational connections, so can we and so should we.

Denominations wear names other than that of Christ. They have structure and activities that have no authority in scripture. And by definition they are divisions, whereas Christ desired unity. 'There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all' (Ephesians 1:4-6).

We are known as a church of Christ because we desire to give all honor to Him and because churches under His direction were known as 'churches of Christ' (Romans 16:16). We consider any other scriptural designation equally acceptable. We recognize no other head but Christ and have ties with no earthly organization or association of churches that would separate us from others who are Christians. All decisions are made locally in harmony with what we believe to be the instructions that Christ has given through His apostles."

taken from http://www.uwmchurchofchrist.org/About%20Us.htm

getting ready for round two

I have no intention of quitting FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/), but I'm ready for round two of visiting other churches in NYC of other denominations to see what their ideas of a Sunday service are like (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2008/12/confused-no-news-there.html). Let's see what part two of this experiment brings.

remembering my grandmother

I feel awkward today -- a mix of sadness, confusion and not knowing what to do or feel. I'm thinking of my maternal grandmother who died four years ago today of old age in her sleep after enduring almost a decade being sick and practically bed-ridden (Sunday 05/07/2006, a week before Mother's Day).

She taught me whatever I learned about being Christian as well as many things that formed my character.

I miss you, grandma. May you be once again with my grandpa. May God have your soul.

raw power christian rock, interesting

I hadn't heard Christian power metal (almost like black metal from Venom, http://www.venomslegions.com/) like this band, Demon Hunter (http://www.demonhunter.net/).

Of course, they're no Stryper (http://www.stryper.com/) and I do like their music (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/04/isaiah-535.html).

politically incorrect (so what? good for us regardless)

Don't kill the National Day of Prayer (http://www.nationaldayofprayer.org/). It can be politically incorrect (so what? good for us regardless), but the Church shouldn't be concerned with pettiness of politics. Most importantly this nation was founded by Christians. Don't allow the end of this great Christian nation (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/04/end-of-this-great-christian-nation.html). Said all this, enjoy your Sunday service and share with all denominations a common worship of God.

one reason Catholicism threw me off

One reason Catholicism threw me off was the sexual abuse and/or conduct of priests. All men are sexual and social animals. We all need some form or another of sexual activity and to socialize with our peers. Having a person away from sex in all forms -- including masturbation -- may frustrate the individual regardless of his religious beliefs.

The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Matthew 26:41 (KJV)

So how have some these priests endured sexual desires? Many would say having sexual acts with younger children if not with other men (homosexual and/or bisexual) and/or women too (heterosexual only).

The best option is for the clergy to marry. This way the sexual animal is satisfied and the Christian person may worship God in word and deed.

Vatican hit by gay sex scandal
Vatican chorister sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for papal gentleman-in-waiting
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/mar/04/vatican-gay-sex-scandal

Pope defiant over child sex abuse
Senior Catholics across Europe use Easter addresses to apologise and acknowledge the damage caused by the scandal, while pontiff remains unrepentant
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/apr/04/pope-defiant-child-sex-abuse

Anyway you see it, sexual abuse of younger children is horrible crime. In my opinion, a man who abuses a child should be castrated. Unfortunately what triggers sexual abuse is not the penis and/or testicles, but rather the mind. Hence the best option is to kill the abuser. The latter is not a Christian thing to say, but sometimes you need to cleanse humanity from its filth whether he wears a robe or not.

a joke as such...

I normally write here and promote what I write on Twitter (http://twitter.com/project05952381). This time I did it backwards (in chronological order).

"so uptight for nothing, JC (#Jesus #Christ) on @ComedyCentral, good idea http://www.catholicleague.org/release.php?id=1850 @CatholicLeague"

"how about the #Jesus #Christ character in Tripping the Rift http://www.trippingtherift.tv/ @Syfy"

"#Jesus #Christ as a cartoon merely a way to remind people of the Son of #Jesus #God with some humor -- thanks for understanding @CatholicLeague"

So take a joke as such. Laughing is good for you.

a correct way to pray?

According to an article in CBN (http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/BibleStudyAndTheology/perspectives/correct-way-to-pray-luke-18-goodwyn.aspx), there's a correct way to pray.

"God wants to hear sincerity in our prayer, not vanity."
- Hannah Goodwyn

I don't doubt this, but I'm just surprised that someone has to tell us how to talk to God. I understand that we must be truthful and from the heart when talking to God -- as if God wouldn't already know what words are going to come out of our mouths. In other words, we must honestly feel what we pray for, but most importantly we shouldn't be greedy and selfish when asking for help. Said the latter, don't ask for a car or money, but rather pray for health and joy for yourself and those around -- family, friends and even strangers.

I must admit that I fail to ask for strangers. I'm still too selfish and usually ask for my sons and at times for myself. I still have so much to learn

bad science vs bad theology

I found two articles this morning in Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/science) regarding science and God. It mentions intelligent design theory intertwining creationism (God) with evolution (Darwinism).

The question: Is intelligent design bad theology?

"Intelligent design theory (ID), the latest version of scientific creationism to challenge the Darwinian orthodoxy in biology, is in the unenviable position of being damned as both bad science and bad theology. However, if those charges are true, then the basis of our belief in both science and God may be irrational. At the very least, ID suggests that belief in the two may be interdependent."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2010/may/03/science-religion-intelligent-design

an open letter to my friends, 86 weeks

an open letter (email) to my friends...

Hi (your name here),

I had a conversation with a Stephen Minister yesterday (well every Sunday actually). This person mentioned that I was gifted (talented) because I wrote poetry. This person pointed out briefly that a talent is a gift from God. Of course, I didn't see it and understand it that way right away. I had never seen it this way although you have mentioned this concept before. I still have lots to learn.

TALENT = GIFT FROM GOD
GIFT FROM GOD = TALENT

I'm including the email that I sent and this person's response this morning.

On Mon, May 3, 2010 at 05:11, XXXXX wrote:
Indeed! Gifts, blessings, talents... How nice to see things with fresh eyes. [...]
-XXXXX

On Sun, May 2, 2010 at 20:38, XXXXXXX wrote:
[...] I guess that I should have thanked you when you mentioned that I was gifted with writing poetry and numbers (code). I guess this is something that I have never thought of as a gift (maybe a talent, at most). Maybe I should thinking of my talents as gifts. Well it's never too late. Thank you.

I know that I usually send silly emails and maybe I shouldn't be sending this message, but I just wanted to share this with you and to thank you for your support for the past 86 weeks helping me grow as a Christian and a better person, helping me survive and grow emotionally and spiritually since 09/21/2008 that I've come to FAPC. You don't need to respond.