As I mentioned before (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/06/just-defective-brain-or-simply-insane.html), I shared part of my life with a girl who had a mental and emotional condition. One reason I continued going out with her regardless of her mental condition was my need to have someone at my side. Perhaps that is the same reason why she continued coming back and holding on to the relationship for almost two years.
Fear of being alone can be addictive and self-destructing perhaps more than illegal drugs and prescription drugs. You'd continue with that person whether there's love or not, whether you're using that other person or being used. If there's no connection, a couple should break up, but as most forms of addiction it stops us from taking any reasonable decision. Hence we continue hurting ourselves regardless of the consequences including death and violence (fun sexual violence or simply physical abuse).
Perhaps this is why the lonely look for God. We all need someone at our side -- man, woman, son/daughter or one's faith. After two decades or so, I've learned that I needed to find God. Maybe I have or maybe I still need to. At this point, I'm confused (no surprise there).
Showing posts with label addict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addict. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, February 15, 2009
the two of me
As of right now, I see two different personalities living together -- that of a man eager to be good Christian and that of a hard-core addict to anything related to sex.
As a good Christian, I try to be devoted to church and community, learning about the scriptures, etc. I might be an extension from being a union activist and being part of various on-line support groups, especially if related to computers or mental diseases.
As a hard-core addict to anything related to sex, I ran an adult website several years ago and I'm still a member of various on-line adult communities. In positive note (at least to my opinion), I continue to be very open to any sexual topic and situation (no taboos).
These two sides of me might merely be my bipolar condition and the constant struggle between good and evil inside me.
As a good Christian, I try to be devoted to church and community, learning about the scriptures, etc. I might be an extension from being a union activist and being part of various on-line support groups, especially if related to computers or mental diseases.
As a hard-core addict to anything related to sex, I ran an adult website several years ago and I'm still a member of various on-line adult communities. In positive note (at least to my opinion), I continue to be very open to any sexual topic and situation (no taboos).
These two sides of me might merely be my bipolar condition and the constant struggle between good and evil inside me.
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