Saturday, October 30, 2010

all hallows' eve: the forbidden

As much as we enjoy the costumes and sweets, Hallowe'en remains as a "forbidden" celebration for Christians. It's clearly a way to act as if the occult didn't exist. Being blind to other truths -- good or bad, weird or common, godly or demonic -- hurts our understanding of humanity, religion and even our own belief system (faith).

At times, holding too tightly to a religion shows how much we're afraid of anything we don't know or understand. It's much simpler to just call something "evil" or "bad" without much of an intelligent explanation.

In all, am I a bad Christian or worse yet a bad person for liking Hallowe'en? I don't think so. Besides I can tell what's fantasy from real, what's part of my belief system from sham -- all the while respecting the beliefs of others.

At the same time, I wonder whose belief system's correct. Is it Christianity or not?

all hallows' eve: the fun

Hallowe'en (Halloween) is the night when the dead walk the face of the earth or when the weirdos walk the earth if you live in NYC. It's the night of costumes, mischief, pumpkins with candles and a good excuse for freshly baked pumpkin pie.

It's simply my favorite time of the year ( -- an old Pagan celebration of the occult (the unknown) followed by All Saints Day. It's no surprise that these two traditions are intertwined as the dead are celebrated in a variety of customs.

To me, it's a bit different though. The day before Hallowe'en is my brother's birthday (46). It's a two day excuse to party and drink before going to church. Well at least, this is what it could and should have been ( Nowadays we're older and dull with children, work and other mundane obligations. At least, we still have Hallowe'en to act like children or at least make our children silly.

all hallows' eve

all hallows' eve:
1. costumes, mischief, birthday, drinking (
2. the forbidden, the ungodly, the heretic (
3. the very fucked up!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

dark days, salvation

In the book "Political Ideals" by Bertrand Russell (, the author pointed out something that we know too well. When we fear, we turn to God.

"In dark days, men need a clear faith and a well-grounded hope; and as the outcome of these, the calm courage which takes no account of hardships by the way. The times through which we are passing have afforded to many of us a confirmation of our faith. We see that the things we had thought evil are really evil, and we know more definitely than we ever did before the directions in which men must move if a better world is to arise on the ruins of the one which is now hurling itself into destruction."

Of course, most of us only turn to God when we're in some sort of danger and need to be rescued. We're just selfish hypocrites.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

prayer for the disabled

I've been wondering if I could be a "true" minister to a group of people that I could lead in prayer or any service of sorts. For the past several years, I've been an advocate for disabled children. I've fought the school system and even gone to court. In all, I guess I must ask for help. Help me pray for God to heal these kids (especially those very close to me). After all, what will they be able to do when we're gone and leave them alone on this earth?

conditional love

I've been reading an article several times called "God is Love" ( not because it's hard to understand, but rather because I like read it. The following is my response and/or interpretation of such article.

LOVE: "an intense affection for another person based on familial or personal ties"
-- American Heritage Dictionary

This definition explains why I've gone through several relationships though out my life.

We're like vampires sucking whatever that other person's willing to give us and to fulfill us with till we exhaust those resources. After doing so, we grow tired and uninterested of that person. We simply fall out of love. In most cases, we then look for someone else who can fulfill some other need that we may have. We prey and hunt for love.

Considering this, the only persons we might never stop loving are the extensions of our lives -- that part of each of us that'd keep living after we're dead -- our own children (well at least, most of the time). Maybe our children never finish fulfilling us or we might simply truly "love" them. In any case, the attachment that we've got with our children could be the purest form of love -- the purest emotion -- that we might ever experience.

Understanding a parent's love, we might somewhat understand how God loves us. It's still incomprehensive to us though since God's love depends on no condition at all, hence being eternal and honestly pure.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

a quote from @TheGodLight

a really cool quote from

Everything you need is already within reach to solve your problems. Do you really think God wouldn't have made preparations?

as my children saved my soul: 1991

For many years, whenever I've had that urge to destroy myself (not limited to simple suicide), I've been able to hold on my children (19, 9 & 2). Of course, the heavy medications I take every morning also do "wonders" taming the demons in my head that eat my soul.

as music saved my soul: suicide

I always say that music did save me from committing suicide when I was a teenager. The same music that many would say drive some idiots to commit suicide is the music that helped me survive. The common factor for those willing to die today and those willing to live another day (myself included) is the opportunity to escape from our sickening lives. In my case, escaping was telling everyone including my friends to FUCK OFF. Many people I knew then wanted me gone (dead) and I decided not to give them that satisfaction. That same anger that could drive someone to pull a trigger to put a bullet in his/her head is the anger that kept me alive. At the same time, the wicked humor in those songs changed the way I behave hence allowing me to mock myself and not tale me too seriously.

By the way, God might have used music to save my worthless soul.


My oldest son's 19 -- now practically an adult. For the past three years, he's been going out with a girl (16) who seems to like him a lot, whom he seems to like as much and whom he gets along with fairly well. It wouldn't surprise me if they decided to stay together for long time -- like moving in together or anything alike.

The idea, worry and fear of becoming a grandfather at my age (39) worries me in deed. I hope he doesn't make the same mistakes I made growing up. Having him when I was 20 was hard (financially especially), yet never regretted having him. I'm proud of my boy.

Of course, there are difference between us. He's into sports and not a geek like me. He's also has a strong Catholic upbringing. Most importantly he doesn't seem to be mentally unstable as I am though having the short fuse temper that runs in the family.

At the same time, we've got similar taste in music and I've tried teaching him about music instruments (guitars, drums, etc) and music in general from the 1960's and up.

Monday, October 25, 2010

10% teen gay sex (NYC)

Putting religion aside, men and women have experimented sexually maybe since humans were created. Depending how you see the following article, we could say that men and women start experimenting early in their sexual lives -- teenage experimentation. Then again gay sex might be a game, a tease, a dare or a way to find out about heterosexuality and homosexuality. Gay sex doesn't quite mean being gay, but it's seen that way.

"The study published Monday in the journal Pediatrics analyzed 17,220 public health surveys and found that more than a third of teens who had same-sex encounters identified themselves as straight."

Study: 1 in 10 Teens Has Had a Same-Sex Partner

Of course, within religion, gay sex is condemned. In some churches, it could even mean being kicked out of the church congregation and not being allowed back in the church building. Needless to say, some people (not only teens) have committed suicide due to the shame or at times been driven to suicide by teasing and/or rejection of his/her family and/or peers.

no bother, no sisters

My father's been married several times. In his first marriage, my oldest sister (two months shy of 48) and only brother (46) were born. During a fling, my other sister (40) was born -- who happens to be cousin to a good friend of mine since we were four years old (now 39).

Stupidly enough my parents had the great idea to keep away from my half-brother and my two half-sisters for about eight years. I practically grew up alone while seeing my friends with brothers and/or sisters.

At the age of 15, I finally met my oldest sister and only brother. A year or so later, my other sister introduced herself as such whom I had known only as my friend's cousin.

My father was willing to introduce me to my oldest sister (maybe the last good thing that my father ever did for my oldest sister and me; who pushed me to meet by brother. Then I introduced my younger sister to my brother and older sister. This is no way to meet one's family, but this is the way we finally met and got together.

my father's last betrayal

My father betrayed me several times -- accusing me of theft, allowing some woman he was sleeping with to steal my child support money, leaving to pay his debts several times, constantly lying to me and even having the audacity to kick us out his apartment after a fight when he had no where to go putting my son out in the street like a dog (horrible expression).

I gave him several "second" chances to correct his actions, but his last betrayal was just too much. No one offends my children in any way and gets away with it.

For the past six years, I haven't talked to my father and have no intention of doing so. As much as the Bible says that we should revere our parents, my father deserves none. As much as the Bible says that we should forgive our trespassers, I don't think I'll ever forgive my father.

Maybe all this makes me a bad son, but at least I am a good father to my children ( Well God will decide who's right and who's wrong, but at least my children are safe.

pledge campaign

As a means to give back to God what he's given us, we make our offers and tithes (10% of income; The church as a building needs to be maintained (utilities, ministries, supplies, etc; as estimated budget of $2.5 million). Hence we're asked to help and pledge for a present and future offering. As much I'd like to give back as much as I've been given, it's tough for me to do so with my limited resources. I have to support my children and pay back bills and other moneys. At the end of the fortnight, I'm flat broke and it just doesn't feel right. At the same time, my children have what they need or at least do my best to give them everything they need. Hence by doing my best can be good enough for my boys as a father -- yet not as a Christian.

the on-line church: #tworship (visited)

This past Saturday I was somewhat part of #Tworship ( I made three comments and one or two people liked them. I'm including them below in response to the video below.

first comment: Ever since I heard Sara Evans for the first time, I could hear that her songs had lots of Christian overtones. #Tworship

second comment: (pt 2) It's good to know that country music is a form of religious music sometimes even if u don't say GOD 1000 times. #Tworship

final comment: thanks all for this new experience #Tworship

autumn: happy birthday boys (19/29)

There's one more reason that makes this time of the year even more special ( Today's my first-born's birthday (19) and my oldest sister's first-born's birthday (29).

autumn: pumpkins & apple pies

Although winter's the calmest time of the year with its blankets of fluffy snow, autumn is my favorite part of the year. The weather cools. The wind chills. Foliage starts with its beautiful shades of red, orange and yellow. The airs smells of pumpkins and apple pies. Halloween is mere days away and we wait eagerly for the lost souls to walk the face of the earth.

In all, this might simply be the most Pagan time of the year, but it's simply beautiful as vegetation dies off -- death yet not barrenness. The beauty of nature in this time of the year surely reminds me of the presence of God (Lectio Divina) -- as much Pagan as Christian.

Friday, October 22, 2010

raised Catholic, yet going to a Presbyterian church

Although I was born and raised Catholic, I try to avoid everything that might be related to Catholicism. I was never fond of celibacy and saints while growing up. I rather thought this was a weird part of "religion" (the word that we all used when referring to Catholicism and/or Christianity). I'd also see every day men leading service (mass) without a robe like priests do and I didn't understand this. At the time, I thought that a priest should wear a robe and other men had no right to lead a service. Understanding Catholicism was difficult and getting used to Protestantism has been another difficult task. Maybe this is why I go to a Presbyterian church, which is similar to the Catholic tradition (service structure, church structure, robes, etc) yet so different too (sermon, Eucharist, female pastors, prayer, etc). I really don't know if I made a good decision quitting the Catholic church, but at least I know that it's brought me closer to God.

the on-line church: ministries on Twitter

I'm following 358 people and/or organizations in Twitter as of 10/22/2010 09:32AM. Most of the time you can learn from other laymen and women. Some of these people have their own ministries like @gritandglory, @devotionaldiva, @hodatay (Ukraine) and @mcProdigal. It's a joy to know this people even from afar and in some cases being friends with. I just hope all I write and publish can help someone spiritually or at least make that person think.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

being a good Christian vs simply being good

You don't have to be a Christian to be a good person. There are many good individuals helping others, the environment, animals or other noble causes who are NOT Christian -- Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and some plainly gnostic. These other individuals have their own (religious or otherwise) reasons to be good citizens in this world and beyond. Needless to say, some of these people are even our dearest friends -- especially if living in NYC.

We -- as Christians -- are supposed to be good all the time as a way to be true ambassadors of God on earth and beyond our limited human capacity of understanding. The best practice to achieve this (or so I've been told numerous times) is to pray, talk to God, ask for favors, be true servants of God and do everything on God's behalf. As someone told me, you should start the day with a prayer, live that prayer through out the day and end the day with a prayer.

"There are many who recommend opening the day with a prayer, and then continuing to live that prayer. Or, put another way, to do what we do -- even, say, washing the dishes, riding the subway -- in a meditative sort of gift to God... Then closing each day with even a simple word of gratitude."

Of course, this is something that many Christians fail to do or care not to do at times (myself included in the second group too many times). Said all this, if we dare to call ourselves CHRISTIANS, we've got a higher obligation to be good as we do good in God's name.

playing mahjong (again)

Although I write out of need and from discipline (no so-called inspiration), I've been playing Mahjong (my favorite game; on my BlackBerry. The game's got nothing to do with religion, but it's a form to discipline to see possible future moves on the board -- similar in some level to chess but much more fun (to me at least). If you're wondering why I'm writing this entry then, writing this merely takes five to ten minutes of my commute (6:42AM) while each game of Mahjong may last as much or more depending on the complexity of the board.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

modern medicine, what a sham

What can we do when modern medicine's limited, archaic and simply wrong? Most of the doctors (99%) I've met don't or refuse to understand what some diseases really are. These men and women of science have all their faith drugs and whatever some authority has written in stone.

Medicine actually is the comparison of individuals to determine what's correct/healthy (higher population, normal) and what's not (lower population, abnormal). Medicine fails to see that some individuals are simply structured differently. For example, in ADD a person may hold two separate thoughts at the same time while "normal" persons are limited to one at any given time. It'd be a no-brainer to think that the person who can process two different thoughts at the same time was born with a gift, but medicine and society say otherwise and rather drug the individual to restrain his/her extra mental capacity.

Now what happens to that other 1% of the medical community -- those who can see beyond some old book and erroneous science? The federal government even has had the audacity to limit doctors to whatever the government consider "healthy" and correct body function. If a doctor refuses to follow government established regulations, the doctor could be punished. This means that these "not mainstream" doctors are marginalized and even ridiculed. Some of these doctors can't even be paid by health insurance companies. Hence they only accept cash.

Said all this, the doctor who sees my nine-year-old is one of these doctors outside mainstream medicine. She helped my son much more in a month than the twenty or more mainstream doctors who had seen my son for some seven years of his life.

Well at the end of the day (or rather early morning), I continue taking medication to live one day at a time.

growing old(er)

Being 39 is surely a weird experience. Then again I'd never been 39 before. I've got gray hair for the past several years -- hence no real big deal. This morning I was looking carefully at the loosening soft tissues (skin and muscle tone) on my face. One thing always in my mind is my health. I've got some medical conditions (a defective brain, a bad valve in the heart, weight, etc), some which are the result of years of physical abuse.

I've got several obligations -- especially taking care of my three boys.

My oldest boy's turning 19 next week. He's at the age where he's got a girlfriend, could work and have his own money, be sexually active (not yet due to his strong Roman Catholic upbringing) and even have children. The way I see it selfishly is that I don't want to be a grandfather yet.

My second child (9) has been sick most (if not all) of his life. He's definitely the most difficult challenge involving doctors, therapies and even a special diet.

My third child (2) is simply a walking accident waiting-to-happen. His only issue's been his Italian temper.

Monday, October 18, 2010

as music saved my soul: writing music

When writing music, I'm often dark -- almost goth. I started writing lyrics about real issues (political, social, damnation, etc) around 1986 -- after listening to "Master of Puppets" by Metallica (, "Rest in Peace" by Megadeth ( and "South of Heaven" by Slayer ( That was the break through era for thrash/speed metal. Within the raw power, the lyrics screamed justice, pain and rejection to the world status quo.

My whole direction in music went from sex and party to social issues. As a matter of fact, this might be why I like The Clash ( rather than The Sex Pistols ( Well I also like The Ramones (from Queens, NY;, but that's a totally different story.

I enjoy the darkness of music without getting into minor chords for ten minutes that feel like hours -- though I like Black Sabbath ( with Ozzy Osbourne only ( and Judas Priest ( To me at least, dark lyrics with "good" music achieves more -- like The Doors ( and Type O Negative (from Brooklyn, NY;

I make reference to my music preference and inspiration -- if the word applies or matters -- because this is basically how I think musically. As a matter of fact, this morning I came up with a great idea for a two-voice/harmony (low and high octaves) song with a Hammond B4 and Leslie cabinet (no less) as the main musical instrument with dual guitars as the secondary sound backed up with jazz-like drums (brushes on the tom-toms, snare and hi-hat). The lyrics I was coming up with were religious -- how ironic and primitive.

If anyone cares, I'd gladly share my music and play it, but I'll hold all rights to my material including but not limited to the publishing. Did I mention that I studied music and its legal aspect? So let's rock!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

the on-line church: Sword Project

Setting up a Unix ( server can be a pain, but at least you know the server will work properly -- something that I can't say about other operating systems. Said this, I've trying to set up an Apache ( web server running Sword ( with at least one Bible module. So far, I haven't had much success. I know I'm making a silly mistake, but I'm not sure where I'm messing up. Anyway I want to achieve this out of curiosity and maybe put it on-line for Bible study.


A dear friend of mine was nicknamed Wabbit from the Bugs Bunny cartoons while we worked at a broker firm about a decade ago. Since then its assets were sold and we were laid off (2001).

My friend Wabbit and I continue being good friends. She actually is the only friend whom I've got from that period of my life -- working at that company as a junior local area network (LAN) administrator.

Since we were laid off (a short ten-year span), she had to boys, separated, got married and had a beautiful baby girl. By the way, I always though she'd never get married or rather commit herself to a life-long relationship.

Now why am I mentioning my friend? Aside from being good friends in the good and bad times, she once mentioned that she was an ATHEIST although born and raised in a Roman Catholic family and traditions. She even told me not to ever talk to her about religion or faith. Nonetheless I made slight references regarding this forbidden topic once in a while. She had lots of patience with me.

About two weeks ago, she sent me a message saying that she had been thinking of me (oh boy, the horror). She told me then she had been looking at the PARISH to have her little girl BAPTIZED (great news). It seems that in the end, she had found her once-lost faith and I'm proud of her -- well after all her husband is an Irish Catholic.

Maybe I really had something to do with her change of heart. Then again she might have said this only to give me some credit and/or make me feel good about myself. Either way I'm proud my friend has seen the Light even if it were a clouded Light in her horizon.


It's become difficult to cultivate Christianity in my two younger children. I can't take them to church like other parents take their kids. I tried once. They got restless and even confused especially standing up and sitting down several during the service. My boys thought we were leaving when I stood up at the beginning of worship.

Why can't I take my children to church with me and have them by my side during worship? My nine-year-old with his medical condition was uncomfortable and actually had to eat during the service. I feel like I'm torturing them putting them in a situation that they're not familiar with.

Meanwhile some of the few people (friends and acquaintances) who know about my nine-year-old's health have shown some level of respect or consideration that I've gone to church every Sunday for over two straight years. Some even see this as a way to "save" their souls.

A pastor even called me this past Friday to check on me. She asked me about my nine-year-old's health. It was strange for me to get that call. After all she's practically a stranger and yet she's worried about my sick child. She even mentioned that she admired me for taking care of my sick little boy. After all, it's my obligation to care for him and I gladly do it.

Friday, October 15, 2010

small fish in the pond

There are hundreds accounts in social networks for organizations and "common" people who publicly worship God. At the same time, there are many times more websites dedicated to worshiping God. Some these names are well known, but many others remain simply unknown.

I'm one of those unknown voices out there (somewhere) sharing my life and how the God News might affect me. I wish I knew how to sell myself to a handful of followers and have my own little ministry, but I'm merely a small fish in the pond.

The biggest obstacle might simply be obsession with my privacy. I'm restless and outspoken, yet quiet in this regard. As a matter of fact, I've never learned how to pray or show my feelings in public.

Preaching would definitely mean breaking out of a shell or being reborn. Ironically enough this pond might even contain sharks. This makes my desire much more difficult having to prove that I'm not interested in conning anyone. How do I prove my integrity in a godless world of deceiving?

At the end of the day, I'd still wonder how I could become a bigger fish in a pond of thousands. I've got no answer, yet a big interest in finding out. Being realistic, I might remain a small fish in this pond while being a wicked and chunky fish in other ponds -- computer science, for example. Should I go back to preach about the Good News of computer science and new technologies?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

surfing the subways

I don't hold on to handrails or to anything when riding the subway (or any other of form of public transport including buses for that matter) unless in dire need. In any case, it's strange to see others doing the same. It's a good reminder that I'm not the only with OCD in this city. At the same time, it's great that little bottles of alcohol based gels -- like Purell -- are available everywhere.

me -- who, what, where?

I write all the time (several times a day) about several topics -- as of late plenty of material on religion, but who/what am I?

1. I'm Christian fairly curious about religions, theology and mythology. I don't shy away from asking and learning about other religions and/or faiths.

2. I've lived in Queens, NY (, for 27 years. I almost moved to FL, but I don't like hurricanes. I almost moved to NJ, but you need a car there and I don't drive.

3. I like hard rock, metal, industrial, electronica, country and some other genres of music. I've also owned several guitars and other music equipment since 1986.

4. I watch lots of TV -- as of late lots of material from BBC (, ITV ( and Channel 4 ( from the UK. American TV needs more edge. What happened to shows like Starsky & Hutch (

5. I write poetry, music and whatever comes my way. Read the beginning on these entry.

6. I work as a systems programmer and operator. I've gone through several computers since 1984. I also have a degree in computer science and one in audio engineering. I currently use Ubuntu Linux at home, which my nine-year-old prefers to use.

7. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. I like Italian, Mediterranean, Indian and some Middle Eastern food.

8. I've been an advocate for the disabled (mentally especially) for several years.

9. I was diagnosed with ADD, OCD and BPD. Therefore I take a whole bunch of medication in the morning. If curious, I do have a bad temper. I guess it's the Italian blood in me.

10. I guess I don't have a #10 right now.

the on-line church: #tworship

Last night I found people praising God on Twitter with hash tag #tworship. This was fairly different from other religious experiences. I even asked what #tworship is to make sure that I didn't misunderstand these group of people. These are my question and the response I received.

my question: Can anyone tell me what #tworship is (thanks)?

response: #jesustweeters

Some of these people used words like "brother" and "sister" when referring to another. Someone even said that he loved his on-line friends (perhaps real friends, yet doubtful). These words are rather hard for me to digest. I don't call anyone "brother" or "sister" except for my brother, my two sisters, at times my best friend of 25 years and two other good friends of mine (one for 35 and another for 23 years) have called me "brother" at times.

Nonetheless, what makes a church after all? It's supposed to be a building of worship and most importantly a group of people worshiping God. Understanding this concept, could an on-line service used as a forum be a church? Nowadays I guess so (

Maybe on-line real-time worshiping could be the same as mass on TV was when I was growing up -- although one-directional. It tried to give the church experience on a two-dimensional boring format through a cheap TV broadcast. Of course, this might have been the only way some people could have "attended" church -- especially the sick, the handicapped or simply the home-bound.

In the other hand, watching The 700 Club ( was a different feeling when I was a kid. It was praising and worshiping while shown facts and stories followed by prayer. This was and still is what I now understand as a ministry.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

then how much more? a response

a response to... (including the italics)

"Excellent point! There are many who recommend opening the day with a prayer, and then continuing to live that prayer. Or, put another way, to do what we do -- even, say, washing the dishes, riding the subway -- in a meditative sort of gift to God... Then closing each day with even a simple word of gratitude. That can get our percentages up!"

hell bent for leather

This is one of my favorite songs by Judas Priest (, which I loved listening to growing up. To my surprise, it's a song about sex sang by gay man -- Rob Halford ( It seemed to be that big rumor that everyone knew, but no one talked about.

Halford was considered the Metal God (god as in master, top of the bunch, etc). His homosexuality didn't take his credibility, musicmanship, charisma on and off stage or anything that he represented in the 1980's and 1990's. Said this, Halford's still the Metal God.

Sometimes homosexuality doesn't make those who admire you lose respect in you.

opinion of one

It's hard to justify one's opinion. I keep going back to the lack of faith and interest that we as Christians have in our own faith and God ( Maybe I should take a break from beating on this dead horse (horrible expression to be used by a vegetarian;

So where do I find myself in all this? I haven't been participating in church as I used to. Perhaps I've been more worried thinking what I could do rather than doing anything. Both FAPC ( and ULC ( -- both of which I'm a member of -- have several opportunities to serve God, but I'm not taking advantage of any (except from being asked to help during service once in a while). I'm such a waste.

animals, better than men

Considering the fact that humans are also animals yet above other animals thanks to our intelligence, irrational animals are kinder and much more honest (hence better). Even the most vicious beast's more sincere. It doesn't pretend to like you. It just wants to eat you alive or simply kill you (no gimmicks, no lies).

We consider ourselves much better since we possess a better (or sole, depending whom you ask) capacity to think. This conscience defines what humans are in general giving us the capacity to have a spirit and/or soul. We're just too selfish thinking that humans are the only creatures who'd inherit Heaven.

In Krishna, all living creatures fulfill an obligation -- the will of the Godhead. Hence each creature depends on all others for a common purpose or divine plan. This belief makes much more sense than all the crap we hear everywhere else.

Well where am I going with all this? For many years, I've been kinder to irrational animals rather than to humans (rational animals). Perhaps this is why I compare those humans I love to monkeys, dogs or other faithful animals.

In part, my respect and love to animals is why I'm a vegetarian. The other part's my health and unhealthy digestive system, which was the primary reason yet has become secondary.

By the way, my nine-year-old rode a horse for the first time yesterday. He enjoyed it. He also seemed to appreciate the service this animal offered him (calmness, freedom, being one with nature, etc).

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

hacking the source code of faith

In a perfect world or rather in a perfect religion, the perfect faith should have the complete and correct understanding who God (whatever name) truly is. In my sole opinion, all religions have this concept partially right and fairly wrong.

Judaism, Christianity and Islam teach us that there's only ONE GOD. At the same time, Christianity also teaches us that God has three persons or rather interpretations (Trinity) -- not three gods in one.

Krishna (my favorite religion or set of beliefs to read about) teaches us that all creatures on earth have some specific purpose to comply with the will of the Godhead. It also gives us the belief of cleansing of the soul by correcting our previous mistakes (repentance, atonement of sins).

Pagan beliefs also tell us that God is in nature as an undeniable a part of nature. This is the same belief of Lectio Divina, in which all creation's an extension of God.

What'd the perfect faith be like? It'd teach us (1) that there's ONE GOD all around us, all knowing, all mighty, (2) that all of his creation or lack of in the cosmos is an extension of God and (3) that this creation works together for a greater good or purpose. We could even see creation as an object in the palm of God's hand. Hence we're one with God and in God.

day from hell (or another day in hell)

day from hell (or another day in hell)

Some days every that could go wrong goes completely wrong. Today my system totally crapped out. Printer connections or perhaps their queues failed. Printer parts failed. Programs (including email) failed. Nothing responded properly making my work harder than usual as I had the President's Office calling me on the phone every five minutes.

In all, it was a day from hell -- painful, tiring and over all annoying. This makes me wonder if the belief that hell's the world we live in rather than a after-death punishment could be true. Well today could easily prove this theory.

If earth was really hell, some sort of punishment or life-long test, this could be interpreted as a form of reincarnation. In this belief, a person would live on earth while correcting his/her mistakes from previous lives in order to achieve illumination or perfection. This would definitely mean that Krishna had it right all along.

By the way, because of this system failure, I prefer Linux (, which is more stable than the overrated operating systems in the market (no names, no law suit). Then again perhaps, I should have just redone everything on open standards (like OpenOffice; and get the job done. As for the technologies that don't work, well they could all go to Silicon Heaven (

Sunday, October 10, 2010

how much, too much?

My friend Brenda (33) got married last night. She had been with over 120 men (failed relationships mostly, not sleeping around or so I think). That's 18 years of being sexually active before meeting her husband, an average of 6.6667 partners per year. It's awkward to know that she's given herself to all these faceless and nameless men. Further more, I guess my friend's husband doesn't care or simply doesn't know how many men she's shared her bed with.

My friend Annie (28) has also "been around" -- about 35 times. That's an average of 2.9167 men a year including one-night-stands and even sex for drugs. Well now she's engaged and hopefully she'll be happy in her new life commitments and marriage.

My friend Rose (33) has also been around some 35 to 40 (maybe over 30 after moving in with her boyfriend and father of her daughter). That's about 2.3529 men per year in long term "secondary" relationships or simply having sex with strangers.

Said all this, how many sex partners are too much? For women, the average in the US is 4 men in a life time. For men, it's definitely different thanks to social double standards and such -- 6 to 8 women (

How does it all affect our faith? After we're taught to believe in the Laws of Moses (10 Commandments). Most Christians (myself included) tend to forget that we shouldn't fornicate (no sex before or outside marriage).

afraid not to wake up

My left arm hurt again last night ( so much that I kept waking up. At least I didn't feel chest pain. I'm afraid of falling asleep and not waking up -- just like my maternal grandmother died. As of late, I've felt that I'll die of a heart attack some day.

If I had died last night, who'd care for my two little boys? I can't die and leave them behind without a provider.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

no Utopia, then how much more?

I shared my calculations ( with a minister who then asked me, "how much can and should we spend?" Just when I had a number for the least amount of time we Christians really live our faith (0.5952381%), now I'm thinking about her question.

Ideally one should spend (dedicate, give, serve) 100% of the time to God, but we don't live in Utopia. We should dedicate as much time as possible to God -- serving God in all possible ways. Maybe we could track down how much time we truly (being honest without ourselves) spend in our faith from day to day or week to week. This way we could try to set personal records for ourselves and try to achieve that 100% Utopian goal.

Friday, October 8, 2010

knocking on heaven's door

I like the Guns N' Roses ( version more than the original by Bob Dylan ( I've been thinking of this song especially since I currently have pain on my chest. I'm afraid of having a heart attack due to my weight and family history. Well as I said the other day, any day is a good day to die.

what? no Silicon Heaven? smeg!

One of my favorite shows of all time is "Red Dwarf" (BBC, 1988-99, 2009; In the show, Kryten (one of the main characters, an android) explains that all machines (himself included) would go to Silicon Heaven.

KRYTEN: "He's an android. His brain could not handle the concept of there being no silicon heaven."
LISTER: "So how come yours can?"
KRYTEN: "Because I knew something he didn't."
LISTER: "What?"
KRYTEN: "I knew that I was lying. Seriously, sir. 'No silicon heaven'? Where would all of the calculators go?"

All creation going to Heaven is a beautiful idea and it comes from a comedy. We'll see if this true some day.

religious differences vs non-believers

The problem's not so much whatever group of religious differences between Judaism, Christianity, Islam and any other religion. It isn't whose god or interpretation of God is the "true" God.

Belief in the Godhead or its lack of is bigger issue. Nowadays we can't say "God bless America" without some idiot complaining about the word "God."

To make matters worse, non-believers do have their own gods -- money, greed (any or all of the seven deadly sins to be included in this list), Darwin (evolution) and themselves. This is such hypocrisy that punishes believers in order to make this little population of the nation happy.

Other cultures (even those within the US) make constant references to God (Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, Ra, etc) in their day-to-day speech. This is something rarely found nowadays in US English heavily tainted with political correctness. At least, it's good to know that this isn't true in other cultures.

The Muslim greeting "Salem malenku" is both a greeting and a blessing. The expression means "May the peace of God be with you."

The Arabic expression "Insh'allah" means "God willing" and it expresses the hope that God would allow something to happen. This expression was adopted in Spain as "Ojala."

At the same time, the Spanish goodbye expression "Adios" means "Go with God," which comes from the Latin expression "A Deus." The same remains true for similar expressions like "Adiu" in French. Unfortunately many of the people using this and similar expressions aren't aware of the religious meaning of these words and phrases.

In Hebrew, a person may say "Shalom" as greeting which means "May God be with you." Although Hebrew doesn't have as many references to God in its speech, worldwide most people consider Hebrew as the language of the People of God.

In English (American especially), the expressions "For God's sake" and "(May) God bless you" have rather been changed to accommodate atheists and others. These expressions have changed to "For Pete's sake" (even "For fuck's sake") and a generic "Bless you" or the German expression "Gesundheit," which means "healthiness." Expressions like "In the year of our Lord" are no longer common, but at least it survives in classic English literature and poetry.

At the least, the common expression "(May) Lord help us" or "(May) God help us" is still used as a reminder that this is a nation of believers (82.31% of Christians, 1.77% of Jews, 1.58 % of Muslims; 2006, by many including Presidents.

name change: project 0.5952381%

I've changed the name of this blog for the second time. Originally it was called "Shopping for Faith" as I was looking for a church to go to (12/31/2008, Then it became "Le Culte du Cassette" as a "lo-fi" joke (02/06/2010, Now it's "Project 0.5952381%" (10/07/2010) to point out the lack of faith that we (myself included) have -- a mere hour a week (

The only problem's been the tedious work of changing all the links to the new name. Therefore, as soon as I'm done, I'm backing up the blog as XML.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

no God, no Heaven... what if?

This might be sacrilege just to ask, but it's a valid question nonetheless (followed yet by a another for emphasis). What'd happen if there was no God, no Heaven, no reason to exist other than inhabiting this planet? Does this mean that our Christian values are worthless?

Said all this, I know God exists. I don't think anyone could make me change my mind. Ironically enough, I don't have any tangible proof for what I feel and hold as true. I only have my experiences (what I've seen, felt and lived) and my beliefs.

I admit that we don't know for sure as we constantly doubt, but we still believe in this invisible God ( After all this irrational belief is what we call "faith."

Nonetheless, if there was no God at all, yes, we'd have wasted part of lives in a senseless effort to hold on a faith. At the same time, you'd have still learned to be good people.

The problem with that last comment at times is just too obvious. We're usually only good to those like us (similar core values, beliefs, interests, etc) and we reject everyone else.

Monday, October 4, 2010

project 0.5952381%

Most of us (myself included too many times) are "real" Christians about an hour a week (1 in 168 hours). This means a mere 0.5952381% of the week if we go to church ( It's such a pitiful shame. Maybe this is often the reason why I stay more than hour at church on Sundays -- as a means to excuse my lack of faith and interest. Of course, I must admit that my mind wanders off many times during the hours I hang out at church, which defeats the purpose of being in church in the first place. From experience, spending extra hours in church during the week (for example, small groups, volunteering, etc) makes church and faith a much more rewarding experience.

rude (wild) awakening

Today getting off the subway, I got fairly freaked out. I saw at least eight policemen -- three with assault gear and rifles, one of them with a K9 unit (dog) and the others with standard Glocks. NYC is once again under alert (at least not martial law).

U.S. Issues Europe Travel Alert as Intel Shows Terror Plot Targeting Paris, Berlin Landmarks

For a second, I felt what people in Israel might feel -- the constant threat and need for brute fire power for self-defense. Well it seems like it's going to be several days of dire paranoia.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

dead in church

I'm clearly psychotic. I actually thought about jumping from a fifth floor window in church today. I even thought that it'd have been a cool thing to do. I was able to ignore the open window and continue with my day. Needless to say, I took my medications (not taken in 48 hours) as soon as I got to my apartment.

rants: pastor with no sheep

I can't let this one go. I've gone from having no idea what to do with my ordination to actually holding on to an old idea. I'd like to have a group of people whom I could help (spiritually or not) and maybe even establish an on-line church. Needless to say, all this will be lots of work and I might bail out at any given point. At the same time, I must remember that I've got a job that feeds my family. Therefore I'm in no hurry to give it up. Besides I somewhat enjoy it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Saturday night (0.5952381%)

It's Saturday night. I guess the Christian thing to do should be getting ready for Sunday, but that's hardly ever true. At times it feels like we're sinners all week long except for whatever time we spend in church. This means that we're truly Christians merely 0.5952381% of the time -- considering one hour a week (one in 168 hours). Well honestly my math can't be right. We're true to our faith much less than the 0.5952381% estimate. I dare say a mere 0.1% being generous.

Friday, October 1, 2010

rants: my medications

For the past four years, I've taken Lamictal (anti-psychotic, bipolar disorder), Prozac (antidepressant) and Adderall (stimulant to control attention deficit disorder). For the past two years, I've also taken medication for high blood pressure triggered by Adderall. It's somewhat of an expensive cocktail from hell to control my emotions and lack of concentration.

The biggest problem with Adderall is the Patriot Act, which made it a highly controlled substance. This means waiting for at least a week for my prescription to be ready and at times having no medicine days or weeks at a time. Taking a highly "controlled substance" makes me feel like a junkie in need for a fix. After all, I do need Adderall as a medicine.

Now the biggest two problems or side effects with the rest of the medicine are increased appetite and extreme fatigue (all day long drowsiness, fatigue; The side effect of Adderall are helping me stay awake and cut down my appetite. Surprisingly enough the side effects from these medicines cancel out the side effects of one another.

rants: dozing off

I've felt so tired that I could barely stay awake all day. I kept dozing off a minute here and there. Of course, the weather didn't help (constant rain, all day long) as it was perfect to stay in bed all day. I keep thinking that I may pass out at any time, any where, due to the medications that I take ( I can't wait to start taking the other medicine that I need, which keeps me awake (good side effect, considering that the others make me heavily drowsy).