Wednesday, November 24, 2010

restless me, always burning adrenaline

I remember when I first heard this word. I might have been in the second or third grade and I knew the textbook definition. It was good enough for spelling quizzes and tests at the time, but I couldn't understand the concept of not having (lacking, being without) rest. Several years later, I've come to understand the concept of not being able to rest (hyperactivity, worries, etc) regardless how tired I could be at any given point -- always burning adrenaline like a drag-racer burning fuel on a asphalt track to nowhere. Hence I get bored easily and need constant stimulation (watching TV, listening to music, etc). Perhaps the general need for stimulation triggers my mind to function continuously thinking, worrying, reading and/or writing (as in the case of all the material that you can see that I produce every day). It's awkwardly difficult for me to rest. As a matter of fact, I don't really know how to rest other than getting myself so tired that I practically pass out -- just as a priest told me ( In all, I'm total mess -- as if anyone cares.