my breakfast before breakfast

This is what I take every morning. By the way, I'm not including names (sorry, no advert).

• 2 capsules of antipsychotics
• 2 capsules of antidepressants
• 1 pill for ADD
• 1 pill for high blood pressure
• 1 pill for allergies
• 1 pill for cholesterol (natural supplement)
• 1 capsule of garlic (natural supplement)
• 1 capsule of vitamin C (natural supplement)
• 1 capsule of charcoal to eliminate toxins, this week (natural supplement)

This is a total of 11 pills and capsules. I might forgetting one or two pills for something. I can't recall.

the psychotic Christian

As a religious individual (not only Christian), you're often expected to control your desires, pain, anxiety, suicidal or homicidal thoughts, emotions and other possible symptoms of mental disorders (the mind in general) with your faith. Some even believe that not doing so is a sign of weakness. In such case, what do we do when our minds (brains) are broken or defective? You'd need medications to control random emotions and over all psychotic behavior.

One thing that's come to my mind again and again is trying to be a good Christian while mentally ill. It's difficult when the demons in your head are constantly trying to poison or simply kill you from within (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2009/01/so-alone-in-my-journey.html).

so alone in my journey

Many people (some who should be backing me up) don't believe that I'm looking for God. They see me as a demon making up a charade. Since my mental condition is like living with my own worse enemy in my head, I've been less than good person at times. Now being medicated with antipsychotics, I try to find peace in my head and soul. Of course these people doubt my intentions and even criticize me. Well I've learned not to care. I've always thought of myself as being alone. So alone in this journey I'd be wondering if I'm worthy to be in God's grace.