Thursday, December 23, 2010

my son's first ever seizure, my dying son?

As much as doctors and others tell me that my son will be fine (, I still feel that a part of my son died that night ( He seems to have been affected as his over all behavior's changed negatively. He's become more irritable, hyper, depressed, acting "crazy" and even dangerously reckless. I don't want him to end up taking antidepressants and/or anti-psychotics (like I do).

Maybe I'm stupidly exaggerating, but I've got a bad feeling in my mind that all these so-called experts aren't being fully honest with me. Could a next seizure or any other medical incident kill him or leave him in a comma or some other vegetative state? This isn't the type of thoughts that a parent should have. I should be worried about his grades, school and/or any troubles children are expected to do.

Needless to say (type), being so worried and afraid is taking a huge toll on my mental health falling in and out of depression ( or anxiety. I hope my mind's just making a sick joke on me. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, I still wonder if there's anything I could do to stop my son's health from deteriorating more. If anyone cares to know, I love my son and I'm scared to death for his health, quality of life and his life in general (any possibility of death, vegetative state, etc).

For now, at least, my son might have to spend a night or two in a hospital for an EEG and whatever other test the neurologist orders. This means that I'd have to take a couple days from work and be by his side. All I know is that he'll be bored and in a rotten mood.

For some reason, I had the stupid idea of sending an email like the text above to my mother. She responded first thing this morning. One part of her email said that my son came to earth to accomplish a task -- allowing me to be a father to him. Hence if he were to die from any or all his medical condition or simply at a young age, I'd have an angel in heaven. This statement absolutely sucks!