love, sex & tattoos: kinky fucking love

I guess that if I want to finish these three ideas -- love, sex and tattoos.

1. love, sex & tattoos: ink
   http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/love-sex-tattoos-ink.html
2. love, sex & tattoos: sex junkie
   http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/love-sex-tattoos-sex-junkie.html

Hence here's the conclusion -- my ideas of love, how I feel love.

I decided to change this post. If you care to see what I had posted here, which I had posted about five days ago, go to http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/something-i-wrote-on-someone-elses-blog.html.

Love in general, this human emotion referred to as love's been difficult for me have and share. From an early age, I wondered if my parents really loved me regardless how often I was told so, but my father dared to prove me wrong (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-fathers-last-betrayal.html).The only persons who loved me without a doubt were my maternal grandparents (both dead) who taught me the core Christian values that I hold dearly to.

When most of us hear the word "love," we think of a relationship between a man and a woman. In my case, love came early (first grade, age 5). Each year I was in "love" with a different girl. Junior high school was no exception and neither was high school, but I was always the ugly duckling or the kid who couldn't afford gifts and crap as much as other kids. College was different as I literally had girls to choose from. It was a shocking surprise, but I enjoyed this change. I gained confidence, but this hallow confidence's not love. Women come and go, yet remaining lonesome for no one to care or hold. Love's a nasty feeling. Being in love's much worse.

The only place where I've been able find love's in the presence of my children. They're my life and soul. I'd be with them till the day I die, but first I need to leave them a future that can take care of them financially.

Ironically enough, as a bad cosmic joke, life is merely sick and twisted forms of LOVE, SEX and TATTOOS.

love, sex & tattoos: sex junkie

I've been a sex junkie since I was a kid, which is definitely not right. Maybe this messed me as an individual. Maybe this is the reason I can't feel love and/or loved.

My early (real or false) memories of sexual activity go back as early as five or six years of age -- being molested, nothing new or strange in this hellish world of ours. Whether coaxed or deceived, "playing" with my penis at that age was a child abuse. Surprisingly my mother knew about it till I confronted her about three or four years ago. Needless to say (write), my father doesn't know and I don't care to tell him (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-fathers-last-betrayal.html).

I do remember that about that same time a cousin of mine (a year older, but shorter) and I were naked (the first girl I ever saw naked) facing each other while locked in the bathroom. In my vague recollection, I think we had some sort sex act (not sure if penetration). Of course, we've never talked about it. It'd be strange if having intercourse with cousin were my first time with a girl. Needless to say (write), I wouldn't have ruled it out and/or complain if that were the case.

A short time later, I masturbated for first time when I was nine or ten. I wasn't even sure what I was doing and I definitely didn't know that the substance coming out of me was semen, but it felt really good. Ignorance can sometimes be good after all.

About the same time, another cousin of mine (about three years older, maybe twelve at the time, also shorter) and I while visiting some relatives shared the same bed (no big deal for two small children to share a bed). I remember going to sleep with my hand in her panties while playing with her coarse pubic hair. What I can't recall is how or why I started touching her and most importantly why she let me do it. Did she get off on it? I never asked her.

I might have been too innocent, too naive or simply too stupid in my early teens. Once a girl I had just met asked me to have sex with her and took back her offer as I was shocked at her request. A short time later, my then-sort-of-girlfriend made a slight reference to having sex with her as she'd just started having ovulation cycles. Maybe I could've had sex with hundreds of girls and satisfy my animal instincts and lust, but I've never thought of it as worthwhile (no love, mere intercourse). The whole idea of getting dirty (OCD) having my penis and/or tongue inside multiple vaginas, rectums and/or mouths (clean or not) stopped me from acting on my animal instincts and needs. As an alternative, I always opted for frequent masturbation, which was much cleaner.

Years later, when I was eighteen, I know for sure that I "lost" my virginity with my ex-wife and mother of my oldest son (19).

At the end of the day, maybe this why I've got no problem with my sexuality, nudity and that of anyone else for that matter (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/nudity-damaged-by-religion.html). Most importantly, I've always been into the obscure and kinky side of sexuality. I also like feeding off conversations with my female friends as they tell me about their sexual experiences.

In all, does MY DEVIANT SEXUAL BEHAVIOR make a bad person? I truly hope not.