love, sex & tattoos: kinky fucking love

I guess that if I want to finish these three ideas -- love, sex and tattoos.

1. love, sex & tattoos: ink
   http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/love-sex-tattoos-ink.html
2. love, sex & tattoos: sex junkie
   http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/love-sex-tattoos-sex-junkie.html

Hence here's the conclusion -- my ideas of love, how I feel love.

I decided to change this post. If you care to see what I had posted here, which I had posted about five days ago, go to http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/something-i-wrote-on-someone-elses-blog.html.

Love in general, this human emotion referred to as love's been difficult for me have and share. From an early age, I wondered if my parents really loved me regardless how often I was told so, but my father dared to prove me wrong (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-fathers-last-betrayal.html).The only persons who loved me without a doubt were my maternal grandparents (both dead) who taught me the core Christian values that I hold dearly to.

When most of us hear the word "love," we think of a relationship between a man and a woman. In my case, love came early (first grade, age 5). Each year I was in "love" with a different girl. Junior high school was no exception and neither was high school, but I was always the ugly duckling or the kid who couldn't afford gifts and crap as much as other kids. College was different as I literally had girls to choose from. It was a shocking surprise, but I enjoyed this change. I gained confidence, but this hallow confidence's not love. Women come and go, yet remaining lonesome for no one to care or hold. Love's a nasty feeling. Being in love's much worse.

The only place where I've been able find love's in the presence of my children. They're my life and soul. I'd be with them till the day I die, but first I need to leave them a future that can take care of them financially.

Ironically enough, as a bad cosmic joke, life is merely sick and twisted forms of LOVE, SEX and TATTOOS.

love, sex & tattoos: sex junkie

I've been a sex junkie since I was a kid, which is definitely not right. Maybe this messed me as an individual. Maybe this is the reason I can't feel love and/or loved.

My early (real or false) memories of sexual activity go back as early as five or six years of age -- being molested, nothing new or strange in this hellish world of ours. Whether coaxed or deceived, "playing" with my penis at that age was a child abuse. Surprisingly my mother knew about it till I confronted her about three or four years ago. Needless to say (write), my father doesn't know and I don't care to tell him (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-fathers-last-betrayal.html).

I do remember that about that same time a cousin of mine (a year older, but shorter) and I were naked (the first girl I ever saw naked) facing each other while locked in the bathroom. In my vague recollection, I think we had some sort sex act (not sure if penetration). Of course, we've never talked about it. It'd be strange if having intercourse with cousin were my first time with a girl. Needless to say (write), I wouldn't have ruled it out and/or complain if that were the case.

A short time later, I masturbated for first time when I was nine or ten. I wasn't even sure what I was doing and I definitely didn't know that the substance coming out of me was semen, but it felt really good. Ignorance can sometimes be good after all.

About the same time, another cousin of mine (about three years older, maybe twelve at the time, also shorter) and I while visiting some relatives shared the same bed (no big deal for two small children to share a bed). I remember going to sleep with my hand in her panties while playing with her coarse pubic hair. What I can't recall is how or why I started touching her and most importantly why she let me do it. Did she get off on it? I never asked her.

I might have been too innocent, too naive or simply too stupid in my early teens. Once a girl I had just met asked me to have sex with her and took back her offer as I was shocked at her request. A short time later, my then-sort-of-girlfriend made a slight reference to having sex with her as she'd just started having ovulation cycles. Maybe I could've had sex with hundreds of girls and satisfy my animal instincts and lust, but I've never thought of it as worthwhile (no love, mere intercourse). The whole idea of getting dirty (OCD) having my penis and/or tongue inside multiple vaginas, rectums and/or mouths (clean or not) stopped me from acting on my animal instincts and needs. As an alternative, I always opted for frequent masturbation, which was much cleaner.

Years later, when I was eighteen, I know for sure that I "lost" my virginity with my ex-wife and mother of my oldest son (19).

At the end of the day, maybe this why I've got no problem with my sexuality, nudity and that of anyone else for that matter (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/nudity-damaged-by-religion.html). Most importantly, I've always been into the obscure and kinky side of sexuality. I also like feeding off conversations with my female friends as they tell me about their sexual experiences.

In all, does MY DEVIANT SEXUAL BEHAVIOR make a bad person? I truly hope not.

love, sex & tattoos: ink

Why did I choose this title? Well it sounds cool like a movie title or so. Besides I wanted to write about tattoos (ink) on this entry.

In some societies, tattoos are the norm (part of culture itself), socially accepted (tolerated) while not in others no matter what. In the US, tattoos have become "normal" and widely accepted (tolerated). Nevertheless some people still find the combination of these three behaviors or at least tattoos deviant to the point of cataloging many not as mere rebels or trend seekers, but as junkies or worse yet criminals. Some in this latter group might even say that "true" Christians shouldn't have tattoos for an infinite number of excuses, from which the most interesting is relating tattoos as a sort of demonic practice or the mark of the devil.

"1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.
2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
3 And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.
4 And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?
5 And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.
6 And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.
7 And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.
8 And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.
9 If any man have an ear, let him hear.
10 He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints.
11 And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.
12 And he exerciseth all the power of the first beast before him, and causeth the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast, whose deadly wound was healed.
13 And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of men,
14 And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live.
15 And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.
16 And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:
17 And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.
18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."

- Revelation 13:1-18, KJV (1769)

I don't think tattoos affect someone's faith. It's not like the tattoo of a heart with the name of someone that person loves will drive that person to hell. At the same time, it's not like my tattoo of a tribal band with a skull and ripped skin portrays evil. If you can't get a joke as such, you're definitely too stupid to have your opinion worth paying attention to -- AFTER ALL IT'S ONLY INK.

A message on People Living With Disabilities (ELCA)

As usual, I'm curious about the different groups in the Church. In the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) website (http://www.elca.org/), I found a paper on the responsibility of society and especially the Church to the disabled -- not limited to the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America or any one denomination.

"Political rhetoric increasingly expresses the belief that the economic cost of providing accessibility or other means for enabling participation in society for people with disabilities is too high or not worth the benefit to society."

"A message on People Living With Disabilities"
http://www.elca.org/~/media/Images/Department%20for%20Studies/Disabilities/PeopleLivWithDisabl%20UnformattedAdoptedText.pdf

As much as we should protect and help the needy, this obligation shouldn't be out of pity, but rather out of the morality of being a Christian.

As I've mentioned before (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/10/prayer-for-disabled.html), I've advocated for the disabled for a while. As most advocates for the disabled, someone truly important to me is disabled and I'm that person's care giver.

It feels good to hear someone else say and write the same ideas I've had (quote above from ELCA) without the proper medium to protest. The only problem for many years has been that no one cares to listen about the poor quality of life that the disabled are left with.

killing

The Bible says that murder is bad although there's lots of killing, death and crime in the canon.

"Thou shalt not kill."
- Exodus 20:13 KJV (1769)

Taking someone's life's against the Law of Moses (The Ten Commandments). Nonetheless killing in self-defense's not punished by religion. At the same time, killing in time of war's not punished by religion or society. It all depends who's killing whom.

"Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible avenger than the one you pray to."
- George Carlin (1937-2008), November 17, 2001

In the case of capital punishment, societies have different opinions. Those who oppose would refer to the Law of Moses. On the other side of the coin, those in favor would say, "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." Extending this latter idea, it'd clearly be "a life for a life," where taking someone's life makes lots of sense if this person had killed at least one person intentionally. For the record, I support it as much as it may go against the Laws of Moses.

In the case of abortion, I'm against abortion as it's the selfish and coward murder of a child. Pro-choice's merely child-murder and those who support it are imbeciles. Further more, there's nothing worse than one's mother telling her son/daughter that she'd wanted to abort him/her. In such scenario, that child might be lucky to be alive -- my case as I cheated death for the first time (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/cheating-death-on-borrowed-time.html). My sister (two years younger than I, age 37 if she'd been given a chance to live) and other siblings whom I was never aware about weren't as lucky. As much as I hate to admit, I lost a child this way too. That's enough for me to say.

I don't care to have an opinion when it comes to killing to get rid of someone (especially other criminals). Of course, I don't have an opinion as long as it's not a child (worse than abortion) or to leave no innocent witnesses behind during other kind of crimes (becoming a candidate for capital punishment).

In all, killing may simply be a sin/crime if killing the "wrong" person in the "wrong" circumstances. After all, we've all wanted to beat someone to death, shred someone to pieces and/or simply kill someone who's done us wrong. Of course as sinners, we always find a way to excuse ourselves and still go to church the very next Sunday.

nudity, damaged by religion

Many people feel uncomfortable with their own nudity. Either they feel dirty (damage of religion), fat or ugly (damage of society). There's nothing wrong with nudity and appreciate THE BEAUTY OF SOMEONE'S NUDE BODY. Religion plays an important role tainting nudity and sex as something dirty -- a sin, a shame. This is perhaps the biggest damage religion -- especially Christianity -- has dared to make. According to religion, I shouldn't walk around naked in my apartment if I felt like it because nudity's dirty (how stupid). At the same time, society's corrupted the mind of many making them believe that a "beautiful" body is within certain parameters. Hence not fitting in such means that the person's not desired and that no one cares to see him/her. Let's not forget that beauty's in the eye of the beholder.

The only problem in nudity and hence sex -- in my opinion (fucking disclaimers) -- exists on the mind of the perverted who prefer not to appreciate, but rather want to hurt (for example, rape) or sell oneself (for example, prostitution). This idea of a "real" problem's shared by religion and society.

Now the use of one's nudity involving recreational sex might or might not be part of latter. Purists would say that sexual intercourse must be limited to a married couple. Of course, in today's society it doesn't quite work that way. Although religion still attacks it, society doesn't condemn it. Further more, society uses sex to sell ideas (advertisement & propaganda).

Said all this, I wouldn't care to post a picture of me naked, but society wastes no time to catalog it as pornography and hence bad. Hence I need to comply with society in order to keep this blog clean and not scare of readers (if any).

outside society

As a human I think too much about everything around me. I constantly feel like an observer, an outsider. My mind shifts from society, its norms and its folklore to the individual's myths, beliefs and religion. At the end of the day, it's all a matter of learning and acquiring wisdom.

I'm just outside society and the "common" social or individualistic life. I observe others all the time especially when I've got nothing to do. I see groups of individuals (considering that humans love to group people and things to understand them).

1. Many are simply worried about their work, reading and/or answering emails, making sure their suits are perfect and perhaps forgetting how to live.

2. Some study to know more either for money or knowledge. This includes those "intellectuals" who read War and Peace on their time off (nothing wrong with reading great literature, of course, especially Tolstoy; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Tolstoy) to simply show off.

3. Some don't seem to care about anything at all, but themselves (pretty faces and/or bodies, expensive clothes, latest mobile phone, etc).

4. Some just seem to live in fear for whatever wicked reason. They dwell in silence and pain -- almost in a state of paranoia.

5. Some read religious material like devotionals and even the Bible itself.

These individuals seem to fit in one or more groups at one or another. Nonetheless our society seems to have five gods -- work/money, knowledge, self, fear and The Lord.

I don't know which of these (other than the third) is correct. I wish I could the say the fifth, but I'd be a hypocrite. I've been part of all these groups (except the third) at some point or another. Then again, out shame or obligation, I want it to be the fifth. Hence most of the material of this blog I've written while riding the subway or bus.

In this city, we're too careful (fear) and keep to ourselves (privacy). We all worry about holding on to jobs and/or have some type of monetary income to pay rent and have something to eat. Therefore religion at times plays little importance.