It's been a week since my son had a seizure while sleeping (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html). That night (early Monday morning) I was much too worried to be scared. After that Odyssey, I was able to be scared to death for my son's health and well being. Seeing my son practically lifeless and almost dead (vegetative state, completely unresponsive to any stimuli like being patted on his shoulder or saying his name) is one of the two worst experiences in my life so far. The whole experience of going to sleep on his bed, having a seizure two hours later without waking up (whether aware of what was going on or not), falling unconscious and then waking up in a stretcher in an ambulance on our way to a hospital is without a doubt the worst experience my little boy's ever gone through.
Although I might feel more relaxed, I'm still fairly terrified of the possibility of another seizure. I can't sleep through out the night. I keep waking up to check on him and pushing him a little to make sure when he's motionless. I'm burning adrenaline more than ever (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/restless-me-always-burning-adrenaline.html) due to my lack of sleep and rest. Needless to say (type), I don't know if I could ever get used to or accept my son having any level of epilepsy or seeing pain in his eyes.
I keep praying for my son (close to never for myself), but my prayers aren't answered. Should I even bother asking God for help and to spare my child from the suffering? It's simply the worst cross I ever had to bear.
