my son's first ever seizure, maybe just fever

On Monday night (well actually early in the morning, about 2:30pm), parts of my nine-year-old son's upper body kept contracting while he was sleeping as slight muscle reflexes or spasms. His body temperature was fairly high (fever), but he wasn't sweating. It could've merely been an allergic reaction to eating some Italian bread made from wheat (mere wishful thinking) or to some bug that he could've caught in the hospital (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-day-of-eeg.html). In either case, I'm worried and close to falling into another rut of depression.

To avoid further surprises, I had my son stay home for the past two days (not that he'd put a fight for missing school). Yesterday morning, he was in bed doing nothing (much too odd for such a hyperactive child), with the TV on but rather just looking out the window. This latter behavior's similar to what he experienced right after his first seizure (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html). I just can't tell if he suffered another seizure, due to my lack of experience in this field, but I truly hope not. Last night, he still had a fever, but it'd dissipated considerably by early this morning.

My youngest child (2) started with a similar reaction (fever) last night. Maybe my boys did catch some bug with a 48-hour incubation period somewhere.

Needless to say (type), I've just gone through two more sleepless nights and hence running on pure adrenaline for the past two days. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. Of course, I can't afford to die leaving my children behind. Life's a bitch and I've got no choice but to deal with it.

my son's first ever seizure, day of EEG day

As I thought, my son didn't want to cooperate with the EEG (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-health.html). We couldn't do much about it to convince him and/or control him. There's just too little that can be done to convince and/or persuade a scared child who maybe didn't quite understand what was going on.

The technician had to stop trying to put the electrodes on my son's head. She then suggested to have him sedated before the EEG (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-247.html) as originally suggested by one of the two neurologists we're working with.

It was a waste of time and now we'll just have to reschedule the EEG.

In all, I'm still jumpy and worried although less than half a month ago. Maybe I've grown used to the possibility that my child may develop more medical conditions.

The appointment for a sedated routine EEG that we originally had was canceled because the hospital didn't want sedate him for being a young child. The second appointment was supposed to include a 48-hour observation period (hospital intake), but changed to a routine EEG without sedation, which my son obviously didn't want to cooperate with. A third appointment must now be scheduled to have him sedated prior to the EEG.

rants: keeping myself busy (sane)

Although for a while I've had trouble concentrating hard enough to read the ebooks I've got (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/rants-so-many-books-yet-nothing-i-care.html), I've been able to read the Guide to Divinity (http://www.themonastery.org/jcontent/training/12-guide-to-divinity) a little bit at a time.

I've also been holding whatever's left of my sanity (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sons-first-ever-seizure.html) by writing system documentation and cleaning up some code. As a matter of fact, my pet project in the past three days has been changing a website from ColdFusion (CFM) to PHP. All this work's actually for a temporary step to move the website to a new hosting company as soon as possible. Then I'll start working on the brand new site using WordPress. For me this is lots of fun although I still have about 136 bugs as I'm writing this entry. Of course, the best part is finally moving this site back to a much more reliable Unix environment.

Watching TV is another thing's that's helping me -- especially comedies like Two and Half Men (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369179/) and science fiction like Doctor Who (http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/).

my son's first ever seizure, health insurance

So yesterday's news was that the health insurance wants to pay for a regular EEG this Friday (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-counting.html) and the 48-hour intake the following Friday (with some obvious catch, as if the purpose was to deny the payment for service). This throws everything off.

my son's first ever seizure, a friend's prayer

Last night, I received an email from a dear friend of mine. I won't post my friend's name since that person knows whom I'm referring to and that's more than enough for us both.

i can't figure out how to comment on your blog... wanted to let you know i'm praying for your son.

My response was from the heart.

As cynical as I can be, I learned not to trust others. At the same time, after living with my father who is a pathological liar (to say the least; http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/rants-stolen-goods-trust.html), I learned not to say anything I don't feel (different from not lying). Furthermore, as I have stated in my blog, whatever little I post on-line is not to trigger any one's pity or any other emotion (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-no-ones.html). Needless to say I do appreciate your honest words. As a matter of fact, no one else has bothered. Said all this, thank you for your words and prayers. I do appreciate them. You're a good friend and soul.

It's good to know that some people do care. Thank you my dear friend (once again, no name needed).

my son's first ever seizure, no one's bloody pity

I share and keep a record of my opinion and intimate troubles as I maintain my privacy and that of my children. I want no one's pity and/or charity. Having explained the latter, if you want to pray for my child (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-counting.html), please do so as God might listen. If you think I'm whining, fuck you and stop reading this blog.

my son's first ever seizure, counting the days for the hospital intake

This Friday I'd take my nine-year-old to a hospital (twelve miles away from where we live) for an 48-hour intake as requested by the neurologist (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-next-friday.html). The doctor(s), technician(s) and/or nurse(s) will run an EEG and whatever other medical tests while keeping my boy under observation.

I don't know what to expect from and/or what to think about the hospital stay. Will this help my son or not or simply be a charade? Can this finally give us an answer what's really wrong with him and perhaps how to treat him?

Come Monday morning, everything might still be the same -- no answers, the same nightmare, the same pain and desperation. Maybe I've just lost all hope and faith. Maybe my boy will remain sick for the rest of his painful life.

All I know is that right now I'm going through a whole lot of emotions including a slight level of depression as well as some anxiety too (though heavily with the medication I take). At the same time, I'm making a list of the things we might need for the stay and it's become another big expense that I'd not considered doing.

By the way, where's God in all this (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-what-about.html)? How can I use with this thing called faith to help my son?

Regardless what the answers to all my questions might be, I'll write a log about all the events that'll happen this coming weekend.

my son's first ever seizure, next Friday

So one EEG (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-247.html) is scheduled for next Friday and Saturday -- perhaps Sunday too. Now it's merely a matter of waiting and killing time.

All I know is that he's going to be bored to death in a hospital so far from home, without a computer to play his on-line games. I bet he's going to hate me by Saturday night.

Joking aside, I honestly don't know what to expect at this point. I'm afraid that any day could be my son's last. Sometimes I wonder if it'd be better for him to be in heaven than on earth suffering. Now I understand why some parents kill their beloved children -- to keep them from suffering.

My little boy doesn't care about school and only wants to play video games on-line as most children do. The big difference's been the pain due to his medical condition.

To make matters worse, after the seizure, he's become much more aggressive -- almost dangerous to his two-year-old brother. Thinking that my sick child might hurt his own baby brother kills me inside. I hate to keep them separate at times and/or under constant watch.

Why does my nine-year-old have to suffer and cry in pain and anxiety? Life's been cruel (a bitch, as the saying goes) to my son and I've got no idea where God fits in it all (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-sons-first-ever-seizure-what-about.html).

On a related note, this whole situation's taken a toll on my health. I've aged faster than I probably should've. Sometimes I feel pressure on the left side of my chest as if it was a cardiac thrombosis (heart attack), which wouldn't surprise me since heart disease runs in the family.

my son's first ever seizure

I went to sleep at about 10:15pm last night. Two hours later (about 12:25am) I woke up with my nine-year-old having a seizure (first one ever), means the possibility of more in the future. For a moment, I though my boy was dying.

We called 911, which dispatched the EMT (FDNY). The two paramedics took us to Elmhurst Hospital (HHC), which I visited many times at night while growing up with stomach cramps and such. Now I was taking my son to the same hospital at night as I used to do.

After the doctor took lots of notes and ruling out hyperglycemia (diabetes), the doctor mentioned that in my son's case, there were two possible factors that may have triggered the seizure -- his problems breaking down foods (Kreb's Cycle; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kreb%27s_Cycle) or his brain. After taking an urine sample, two doctors determined that ketones (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketone; Kreb's Cycle) and hyperglycemia weren't the cause for the seizure. Now I need to take my son to a neurologist for a EEG to check for any discrepancies in his brain wave activity. At least, it wasn't diabetes and he had the perfect excuse not to go to school.

In all, we stayed at the hospital for almost three and a half hours in the triage. When we got home about 4:00am, we got some sleep. A little over an hour later after barely sleeping, I was up again to get ready for work. I took a shower, got dressed, took all my medications, ate a banana, checked on my nine-year-old and left the apartment.

While writing this, I've felt as if I was going to breakdown and cry, but I can't afford that. I must be strong for my sick little boy. It was tough enough having my two-year-old seeing his dear brother taken away by two paramedics with me by his side.

This experience was possibly the scariest thing I've ever been through so far with him or any of my two other boys. The other worst experience was when my oldest child was born and practically had to be "resuscitated." I've already lost two children and I know the pain that I want to avoid with all my life.