raised Catholic, yet going to a Presbyterian church

Although I was born and raised Catholic, I try to avoid everything that might be related to Catholicism. I was never fond of celibacy and saints while growing up. I rather thought this was a weird part of "religion" (the word that we all used when referring to Catholicism and/or Christianity). I'd also see every day men leading service (mass) without a robe like priests do and I didn't understand this. At the time, I thought that a priest should wear a robe and other men had no right to lead a service. Understanding Catholicism was difficult and getting used to Protestantism has been another difficult task. Maybe this is why I go to a Presbyterian church, which is similar to the Catholic tradition (service structure, church structure, robes, etc) yet so different too (sermon, Eucharist, female pastors, prayer, etc). I really don't know if I made a good decision quitting the Catholic church, but at least I know that it's brought me closer to God.

small fish in the pond

There are hundreds accounts in social networks for organizations and "common" people who publicly worship God. At the same time, there are many times more websites dedicated to worshiping God. Some these names are well known, but many others remain simply unknown.

I'm one of those unknown voices out there (somewhere) sharing my life and how the God News might affect me. I wish I knew how to sell myself to a handful of followers and have my own little ministry, but I'm merely a small fish in the pond.

The biggest obstacle might simply be obsession with my privacy. I'm restless and outspoken, yet quiet in this regard. As a matter of fact, I've never learned how to pray or show my feelings in public.

Preaching would definitely mean breaking out of a shell or being reborn. Ironically enough this pond might even contain sharks. This makes my desire much more difficult having to prove that I'm not interested in conning anyone. How do I prove my integrity in a godless world of deceiving?

At the end of the day, I'd still wonder how I could become a bigger fish in a pond of thousands. I've got no answer, yet a big interest in finding out. Being realistic, I might remain a small fish in this pond while being a wicked and chunky fish in other ponds -- computer science, for example. Should I go back to preach about the Good News of computer science and new technologies?

every Sunday

Every Sunday morning, I meet with a minister right before worship. We talk about what I've done the previous week, what's bothering me and such. Sometimes I look forward to it, but mostly not. Nonetheless I must give credit to this minister who helps me every Sunday morning. She's got lots of patience to deal with me and my weirdness.

Anyway it's been part of my routine for over a year and a half if not longer. I know it's helped me the same way talking to a psychologist helps others (piece of mind) if not more (mind & soul). Nonetheless it hasn't made me a more likable individual as I still have problems getting along with others.

Christian, plain and simple

I was raised Catholic, but now I go to a Presbyterian church. Does this still mean that I'm Catholic? If not, does this now make me a Presbyterian or at least a Protestant of some sort?

All I know and hence care about is that I'm a Christian. My faith (or lack of, much too many times) doesn't change depending on the sign or label at the door of a given house of worship.

Anyway (as if anyone cares), I started going to a Presbyterian church because the persons delivering the sermon spoke plain English -- not some Shakespearean rendition of a mass or tales of eternal damnation. I didn't have to guess what these pastors from an altar were trying to communicate to the people on the pews. The most shocking thing was actually hearing jokes, laughing and even applauding after any beautiful performance (choir, solo soprano or baritone, children recital, etc). These were little details that are still new and exciting to me. After all, shouldn't we all feel thrilled and engaged during worship?

religion in a technological world

Technology is a great way (maybe the best way after the Gutenberg press and the publishing the Bible for common people to read and study, circa 1450, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gutenberg_Bible) to propagate the name of God. For example, if a church or congregation leader wants to communicate with others for any reason whatsoever, he/she can send an email, post a quick note on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/) and/or Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/) aside from posting such information on the church website.

In a real life example, the pastor at FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) sent an urgent email this past winter during a heavy storm indicating that many children activities and the 9:30 service were canceled for that Sunday. This way the congregation knew that the church would open late and Sunday school was canceled for that Sunday only.

Groups like Geeks and God (http://www.geeksandgod.com/) promote open source technologies to create websites, forums, email systems and other services that a church can use to reach its congregation and others. For example, some churches have a live feed of their service for those who can't go to church for whatever reason (handicapped, elderly, etc) or excuse.

At the same time, some companies offer their services for free for non-profit organizations (churches included, of course not using the words "church" or "religion" to be politically correct). In this latter case, Google (http://www.google.com/) fits perfectly providing some services for free to promote other or the same services in a larger scale for a fee.

I will stop here 'cause I can write for hours about technology. I might continue later.

visited a Methodist church

So I visited a Methodist church in NYC (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/getting-ready-for-round-two.html). It was the second time that I entered this church (building). The first time I walked in and out in less than 10 minutes. This time around, I sat through out the service. As curious as I am, I took notes. Since I was confused at times, I can use this notes to understand the service. Well it was an experience and maybe I won't go back to that church.

afraid not to go to church one Sunday

Sometimes I wonder if it'd be too much of a big deal if I don't go to church one Sunday (considered a mortal sin in the Catholic church and tradition -- an idea not highly promoted in the Protestant Church). Well on my own accord, aside from breaking my personal record of 87 weeks straight going to church (FAPC; http://www.fapc.org/), I might feel that I could start skipping more Sundays perhaps much more often to the point where I might stop going all together. It's happened before and I've ended up not going to church for almost 13 years. I'm afraid to once again falling into a vicious cycle of going to church Sunday after Sunday and then disappearing for years at a time.

For the time being, I don't have any valid excuse (definitely no reason at all) to stop. I'd continue going to church -- specifically FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) where I feel most comfortable.

Now I must admit that I'm not sure if the increasing number of weeks that I've gone to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) feeds my ego or nourishes my soul. All I know is that I want to continue going to church at least once a week. Said the latter, at times I've gone to church three to four times in the same week as a personal need to get something. It used to be shelter, a way to hide from the world and from myself, a way to find God.

Nowadays what's that need and why do I have it? Could it be that I've found God and now I'm not too desperate to continue looking for him? Could it be that once again I'm losing my faith? Am I being truthful to myself and to God worshiping every Sunday and/or spending many hours in church (8:45am to about 2:00pm almost every Sunday, excluding summer time)?

smudged with ashes

Lent is less than 24 hours away. Tomorrow I'd go to church and get my forehead smudged with ashes from last year's palms or so we're told. As a Christian, I'm supposed to give up something sinful and/or wrong in my life for the rest of my life especially for the next 40 days. I have no idea what I'll give up this time around, but I must confess that I couldn't give up what I tried last year. Does this make me a bad Christian or a bad person? Well someone upstairs will sure decide.

about seven months later

So I haven't written in so long. So what have I done in the meantime.

1. I finally got both my little boys baptized (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2009/04/two-baptisms-two-wet-ones-to-go-please.html).

2. I've continued going to FAPC every Sunday, even the special services services during the week like the Outreach and the Blue Christmas services.

3. I've tried to keep myself busy in church either as an escape from my life, as service and/or to grow in faith. I've even helped during two of three Christmas candlelight services and volunteering (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2009/03/volunteering.html).

4. I've even nominated myself for the position of member-at-large (volunteer to help whenever needed, without many or any administrative obligations). Depending how I like this, I might nominate myself once again for the same position or for deacon if daring.

Yet I still wonder if this whole behavior is a real act of faith or the biggest lie to my own self.