denominational & non-denominational: ditching denominations

On Twitter (where I get most of my religious news), Lawrence Wilson @LawrenceWilson posted a link to the following.

"At the same time mainstream denominations lose thousands of members per year, churches such as Crosspoint are growing rapidly — 15 percent of all U.S. churches identified themselves as nondenominational this year, up from 5 percent a decade ago. A third dropped out of major denominations at some point."

More churchgoers ditch their denominations
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110101/NEWS01/101010318/More-churchgoers-ditch-their-denominations

Considering that denominations are labels for common secondaries beliefs, most of us have left the churches that we grew up in (Catholic in my case) and found a more comfortable environment (truer to oneself) to worship God. Definitely from my own experience, I found in FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) that truer spiritual home for me to be able to worship God.

"Denominations share theological, organizational and legal ties. They send out missionaries; build colleges, seminaries and hospitals; and fund pension plans for pastors."

More churchgoers ditch their denominations
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110101/NEWS01/101010318/More-churchgoers-ditch-their-denominations

At the same time, some Christians opt to lose its ties completely from denominations. These Christians don't identify themselves with secondary doctrines of a specific denomination or simply refuse to be labeled.

On a personal level, I prefer a denominational environment where I know what to expect in a service -- a fixed pattern. I just opted to go to another church.

my resentment to or rejection of Catholicism

As I've stated many times, I was uncomfortable as a Catholic. I didn't understand many of its concepts like saints (as a semi-divine entity), the Virgin Mary (as a divine entity), the Pope (authority of God on earth), reciting the same impersonal prayers (the Lord's Prayer not included in this list) and confession of sins to a priest (middle-man between humans and God). At the same time, I saw lots of corruption in the Catholic Church like priests charging for their services -- Last Rites, First Communion, Confirmation and other (Catholic) sacraments.

Now that I go to a Protestant church and have learned Jesus only gave us two sacraments (Baptism & The Lord's Supper). I wonder where the Catholic Church got seven sacraments? That's five more sacraments.

• Baptism
• Eucharist (Lord's Supper)
• Reconciliation (confession)
• Confirmation (confirmation of faith)
• Marriage
• Holy Orders (ordination of priests)
• Anointing of the Sick (Last Rites)

See http://www.americancatholic.org/features/sacraments/default.asp for more detailed information.

Further more, I see lots of discrepancies in the doctrine compared to what Christianity originally was.

After almost four decades on this earth, I finally feel comfortable expressing and living my faith -- in a Protestant church, no less. I can say that I'm a Christian feeling that I can dare call myself so. I've studied the Bible and have no trouble to question my beliefs and understanding of the Scriptures -- a behavior that's not encouraged in Catholicism.

The only problem (if ever) is that my oldest son's completely Catholic. He believes in saints, the Virgin Mary (as a divine entity) and impersonal prayers.

Then again, I can be wrong in all this. Maybe Catholicism's the true expression of Christianity, but I can't believe corruption and secondary beliefs (saints, etc) are part of the core of what our belief should be. At the end of the day, I'd still go to a Protestant (Presbyterian) church where I feel at home and can feel that I'm a Christian and not part of a stupid charade.

In all, let's see what God's got to tell us when he comes to separate the sheep from the goats (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-if-god-came-to-visit.html).

denominational & non-denominational: mea culpa

As I've pointed out in my previous post (as a form of disclaimer),

the following's merely the result of my observation on human behavior and religious belief systems -- most importantly my behavior and religious belief system (my faith in God).

http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/11/denominational-non-denominational.html

Considering the structure of churches and their service, I prefer to be in a controlled, organized and fixed environment where I fully understand what's going on during the service. Hence I prefer a denominational church -- a Presbyterian church, Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, which I had never thought I'd consider going beyond the mere curiosity.

As a child, I went to one of two Catholic churches in my neighborhood as these services were supposed to be identical. When I moved back to NYC, I started going to St Patrick's Cathedral, but I quit shortly after. As much as mass was strictly organized, it was a boring experience and unfulfilling -- to me at least.

Some thirteen years later, I shopped for a new church and found the current church I go to every Sunday -- FAPC. This same church sometimes mid-week alternative services with music, Scripture readings and several quick sermons. I even understand and enjoy since these service maintain a specific certain order even when at times running longer than planned.

I've heard of and gone to services on other churches that don't seem to have a clear organization. I couldn't survive in such scenario.

denominational & non-denominational

As all comments in this blog, the following's merely the result of my observation on human behavior and religious belief systems -- most importantly my behavior and religious belief system (my faith in God).

Catholic churches follow the same script (more or less) as indicated by the dioceses that controls them geographically (if any differences at all). The difference between one Catholic church and another relies mainly on its geographical location, the personality and/or charisma from the priest -- likable or not, trustworthy or not, good looking or not, in other words his plain human nature.

Protestant churches either are part of (affiliated with) a larger denominational body (synod and/or other group) or totally independent -- not necessarily meaning non-denominational. Some churches from a specific denomination and/or affiliated to a synod or other supervising body don't necessarily follow the same script as others from the same denomination or affiliated to the same synod.

At the same time, non-denominational churches aren't subject to a given script, guidance and/or supervision on what their pastors teach, how to deliver a service and/or doctrines (secondary/denominational). At least, in some level, the extended congregation (members of similar churches) might influence (not organize and manage) how a given group of churches behave.

Hence Protestant churches come in lots of different flavors for different groups of Christians to choose from -- whatever flavor you had been raised in, identify yourself with and/or like best. This all means that a person most likely will be inclined to denominational doctrine and/or the message that a particular church offers -- not merely how close the person lives to the church.

So how do you organize what various preachers ought to preach about? It's practically impossible from a human perspective and limitation, but hopefully the Holy Spirit does it for them to deliver the real Word of God and not some made-up, made-believe and self-centered corruption of the Word to accomplish some twisted agenda. Unfortunately many false "prophets" and ungodly preachers have come and gone hurting lots of people for their selfish motives.

raised Catholic, yet going to a Presbyterian church

Although I was born and raised Catholic, I try to avoid everything that might be related to Catholicism. I was never fond of celibacy and saints while growing up. I rather thought this was a weird part of "religion" (the word that we all used when referring to Catholicism and/or Christianity). I'd also see every day men leading service (mass) without a robe like priests do and I didn't understand this. At the time, I thought that a priest should wear a robe and other men had no right to lead a service. Understanding Catholicism was difficult and getting used to Protestantism has been another difficult task. Maybe this is why I go to a Presbyterian church, which is similar to the Catholic tradition (service structure, church structure, robes, etc) yet so different too (sermon, Eucharist, female pastors, prayer, etc). I really don't know if I made a good decision quitting the Catholic church, but at least I know that it's brought me closer to God.

bad Christian boy

As a Christian, one must live with a pure a heart and renounce all sins. Needless to say, I haven't achieved this and I'm not sure if I ever could. I've done (not extremely) bad things in my life and some I still do. Everyday I fight to tame the demons in my head as I drown them with many pills every morning (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-if-my-whole-life-were-merely-dream.html). Nonetheless I still refer to myself as a Christian (not a Catholic anymore, Protestant perhaps; http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2009/03/catholic-or-presbyterian.html), go to church every Sunday, became a member of the church, served (helped) in the church, had my children baptized (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/01/about-seven-months-later.html), try to be a good person and even became an ordained minister early this month (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/two-years-later-such-charlatan-that-i.html).

fake Christians

CNN (from all places) had an article on "fake" Christians and how we get confused who God is.

Author: More teens becoming 'fake' Christians
"[Kenda Creasy Dean, United Methodist Church minister,] says more American teenagers are embracing what she calls 'moralistic therapeutic deism.' Translation: It's a watered-down faith that portrays God as a "divine therapist" whose chief goal is to boost people's self-esteem."
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/index.html

This article emphasizes that parents are responsible for teaching their children who God is -- in other words what we as Christians believe and why. The lack of this teaching can lead teenagers to have the wrong concept of the God and the Church. Hence some teenagers fall into a watered-down version of Christianity (Catholic or Protestant).

"The study included Christians of all stripes -- from Catholics to Protestants of both conservative and liberal denominations. Though three out of four American teenagers claim to be Christian, fewer than half practice their faith, only half deem it important, and most can't talk coherently about their beliefs, the study found.
Many teenagers thought that God simply wanted them to feel good and do good -- what the study's researchers called 'moralistic therapeutic deism.'"
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/index.html

This makes sense since we as parents must teach our children values, morals, norms (ideology accepted in a society), freedom to question authority and society (especially) and most importantly our faith in God.

devotionals, pt. 2

I'd like to take the entries of this blog to something more than merely being wrapped around XML (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xml). I'd like to publish this whole lot, make a difference, convert someone, teach the Word of God and practically start a ministry. It's such a big dream -- perhaps bigger than all others I've had. If we're all ministers of faith, that means that I might be half-way there, but I doubt it.

Does anyone read this blog aside from a handful of my friends at times? I haven't paid attention at the statistics or logs of this blog. I'm afraid to see that no one comes about.

Is this making anyone think? Can these words I write (type) bring anyone closer to God? I truly hope so.

Am I pure in heart and soul to teach and preach to others? No, I'm not. I've got much to learn about being some sort role model. Of course, this would mean rebuilding my whole life from its foundations, but it can be hard (not impossible) to let go of one's wrongly adopted survival instincts (anger, anxiety, lack of trust, etc). Said the latter, I don't consider myself a nice person at times although I want to be. For the time being, I can only advise those who now face the demons (suicide, self hurt, alcohol to cope with life, etc) that I've faced. Once again, answering my previous two questions, I hope I can help anyone with my experiences, sins and pains even if this is no devotional (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/devotionals-our-father-which-art-in.html) or collection of.

broken back, broken hope, broken faith... no God?

The government promises to be there for us when we're hurt with benefits, which are paid for in advance by our eternal tax contributions. The problem especially in NYC is that the system's corrupt.

Years ago I was unemployed (9/11, the bad economy and high unemployment that followed; 2001-03), sick and broken, about to be evicted (no money for rent), with a two-year-old diagnosed with some disease that no one really know or cares about on October 2003 (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/happy-9th-birthday-my-little-boy.html) and little money to eat. When I asked for my lawful-entitled benefits as an American citizen who had worked almost 20 years by that time, I was told that I couldn't get monetary aid (welfare, food stamps, SSI, etc) because I had no job. My lack of work was the reason why I had no money. It was a stupid chicken-and-the-egg situation to be subject to.

As I mentioned, the system's corrupt and much too often abused. Why does some lazy idiot who doesn't want to work get social benefits (cash money, vouchers for rent, food stamps and everything else that I've worked hard for) that I'm entitled to, yet denied to me and my sick child?

I even considered suicide for my family to collect some level of benefits, but I was worth nothing (no monetary compensation at all). How can a person hold on to hope, to faith, to life or to anything left at all? Where was God in all this?

By the end of 2003, I was homeless with a family and a sick child to support and take care of. At least, I was finally working, but it still hurt. I was time to rebuild and start again. At the same time, hope and faith on humanity were gone, striped from me.

It's been seven years since. I had to declare bankruptcy and have worked myself up of the pit from hell we had dwelt in. Surprisingly I still hold on to this senseless and empty faith that everything will be fine one of these days.

Was this all a test from God? If so, what was the reason or purpose of it all?

Was it all some sick joke for someone to entertain? If so, whom was it for?

Will I ever get my answers? In the meantime, I'm still rebuilding everything was robbed from me and my children -- especially my boy's health.

Where was God during these dark hours? Why did he let it (unemployment, my child's decaying health, eviction, homelessness, desperation, anxiety, pain, hopelessness, etc) happen -- worse of at the same time? Most importantly, why's my little boy been sick since?

Christian, plain and simple

I was raised Catholic, but now I go to a Presbyterian church. Does this still mean that I'm Catholic? If not, does this now make me a Presbyterian or at least a Protestant of some sort?

All I know and hence care about is that I'm a Christian. My faith (or lack of, much too many times) doesn't change depending on the sign or label at the door of a given house of worship.

Anyway (as if anyone cares), I started going to a Presbyterian church because the persons delivering the sermon spoke plain English -- not some Shakespearean rendition of a mass or tales of eternal damnation. I didn't have to guess what these pastors from an altar were trying to communicate to the people on the pews. The most shocking thing was actually hearing jokes, laughing and even applauding after any beautiful performance (choir, solo soprano or baritone, children recital, etc). These were little details that are still new and exciting to me. After all, shouldn't we all feel thrilled and engaged during worship?

devotionals... Our Father which art in heaven...

It seems that to write a devotional one has to take some text of the Bible and analyze it. If this is true, I'll give it a shot.

9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
-- Matthew 6:9-13 (KJV)

This is the Lord's Prayer -- one of the two sacraments given to us by Jesus. It's followed by two verses that emphasize Matthew 6:12.

12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
-- Matthew 6:12 (KJV)

This means that one has to forgive others for God to forgive them. At the same time one has to be forgiven by others in order for God to forgive us.

14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
-- Matthew 6:14-15 (KJV)

This is a rule or obligation that I constantly heard growing up Catholic. It seems to be the main objective to accomplish before dying. All sins that are not forgiven would stay with that individual forever. One has to be good to men and to God. When we sin, we should REPENT and ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS to those we've sinned against and to God. At the same time, we must forgive others or their sins would stay with them forever.

Perhaps this is the reason why Catholics tell a priest all their sins for someone to forgive them. For what it's worth, I never felt comfortable telling a priest my sins for him to tell me to repeat some prayer whatever number of times. After a while, the senseless repetition and charade gets old. This is one of the main differences between Catholics and Protestants.

Said the latter, I might have turned out to be a Protestant after all. Of course, this doesn't mean that I'm pure or sinless in any way. I've made to many bad things (deeds, choices, etc) to remember or that I care to write on this blog.

One detail that I must point out is that in prayer or sermon, I don't agree with anyone telling that I'll rot in hell for my sins. I find this too negative. It also takes the focus off God, His glory and His kingdom.

friends from other books

As a continuation of http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/friends-from-afar.html I wanted to emphasize that distance doesn't always mean geographical position of two object or persons.

After living abroad about one third of my life and living in NYC for the other two thirds, not all my friends are Christian of whatever denomination.

For example, my friends I-An and I-Chun (sisters) are Buddhist.

Coto is atheist or so he calls himself. After all, his wife is Christian (Catholic perhaps).

Julian is non-practicing Jew and married to a non-practicing Christian.

Several of my friends are Muslim. As a matter of fact, my friend Sheila converted to Islam after spending most of her life as a Christian.

Of course, many are Christian although they don't practice their faith. If they do, it might be limited to several times a year.

After a while, religion is not too important when making friends for life. Nonetheless I must admit that some (if not all) the friends whom I've made in church might be my friends (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-church-friends-unexpected-fellowship.html) for the rest our lives.

happy 9th birthday, my little boy, my sick child as you keep running against time

As I mentioned a little back ago (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-sick-child.html), my second child (9) has been sick most if not all of his life. It's been a constant race against time to find a cure for whatever he really has (diagnosed with this and that, yet still unknown and hence incurable) before he gets any older.

He deserves to live a "normal" life and enjoy a "normal" childhood. Needless to say, I'd give my life or my health for him to be healthy. If it were so easy, I'd have done it a while ago.

I guess I can only continue looking for the right doctor and the right therapy, reading about new cures and therapies while praying and holding to an empty faith. I often wonder if I've done something so bad that I must now pay with my little boy's health and life -- some twisted form of punishment that slowly robs my son's life.

The pain and desperation of seeing my little boy helplessly sick was one of reasons that brought me back to God (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2008/12/confused-no-news-there.html). If this was the reason for my child to be unhealthy (so many doctors, so many hospitals, so much medicine that has done more damage than good if any good at all), the purpose was fulfilled. Yet he's still plagued with medical conditions.

These past eight years or so have been hard to bear -- some days much more than others. I hope God gives me the strength not to lose my cool and be able to be the father my little boy needs.

"I have had patients of my own so well in hand that they could be turned at a moment's notice from impassioned prayer for a wife's or son's 'soul' to beating or insulting the real wife or son without a qualm."
CS Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

At the end of the day, he'd fall asleep in my arms as he usually does and give me a hard time to go to school or therapy the following morning.

At the end of the day, I love my little boy and will take care of him even after I die -- making plans and preparations for something I wish I'd never have to rely on.

Then again perhaps I should take the following message from a dear friend of mine.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
-- Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV

Nonetheless I just can't leave it in God's hands. I must try all possible solutions, therapies and/or cures. I just pray for God to guide me to the correct solution, therapy and cure. I know God will deliver, but I don't know when or what.

* Enjoy your birthday, my little monkey. Daddy loves you now and always.

no need to read the Bible!?

Today I was talking to a good friend of mine who's been enduring a deep and long depression since her ex-boyfriend called off their engagement. She told me that she felt as if God has no time for her problems and rants.

I told her that we all feel that way once in a while. It's weird that she told me this merely two days after (Sunday the 27th) Reverend Kate Dunne at FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) talked about this same issue in her sermon (http://www.fapc.org/component/eventlist/details/1475-The%20Rev%20Kate%20Dunn%20%E2%80%9CAsking%20for%20Directions%E2%80%9D). She mentioned that we all need to "ask for directions" to find God and that such guidance comes from the Word of God (the Bible). Hence reading and studying the Bible can surely lead us to God.

As I tried to cheer up my friend of over two decades, I asked her if she read the Bible. As a "good" Catholic girl brought up in a Catholic home and taught in an all-girl Catholic school, she told me that she doesn't read the Bible at all. This comes as no surprise.

Growing up Catholic meant not reading the Bible and taking whatever came from the altar as true and law. As a Catholic, we weren't even required to have a copy of the Bible. This might be biggest mistake in the Roman Catholic Church -- other than sexual abuse, theft, murder and other crimes that no one wants to talk about.

I've learned that every person who calls him/herself Christian should read and/or study the Bible alone and/or with others. A person should question and learn from the Word of God. Only in this constant questioning, a person's faith can really grow. Further more this spiritual growth should also be lived out by serving others as a means to serve God.

Anyway I sent her the reading of this past Sunday, on which the pastor had written her sermon. Hopefully it'd help her somewhat to read key verses of the Bible.

51 And it came to pass, when the time was come that he should be received up, he stedfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem,
52 And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him.
53 And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem.
54 And when his disciples James and John saw this, they said, Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did?
55 But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.
56 For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.

57 And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain man said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest.
58 And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.
59 And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.
60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.
61 And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house.
62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God
- Luke 9:51-62 (KJV)

This whole process of reading that sacred book that we weren't required to read would be like forgetting everything that we were told growing up and "learning" to be Christian all over again.

What troubles me is that she was the die-hard Catholic growing and I was the stray. Now it seems that the roles have changed. It'd be different if we could just share jokes without the void in our souls that religion had left us with.

After all, it took me thirteen (13) years to go back to church. I probably spent three (3) of those years dying in that void where no drug or religion could rescue me from (the words I often used). In all it could easily have been twenty (20) years in a godless state. That's almost half of my life as a stray in a godless land, but at least I've gone to church every Sunday for close to two (2) years.

Now it's time for me to help her (for a lack of a better expression). I just hope I can do a good job. One thing that I must consider is that I shouldn't try to "covert" her to Protestantism.

my sick child (happy fathers day)

Having and taking care of a child is difficult within itself. If the child is sick or handicapped, it's a much harder responsibility, but you gladly embrace it harder than your life itself.

My 8-year-old (9 next month) is sick and handicapped. It's been a roller coaster ride looking for a cure or the best therapy/care. Within his condition that has affected his nervous system and absorption of nutrients (similar to Celiac decease), there are several schools of though from conventional medications to trying to rebuild the damaged soft tissues (stomach, nerves, chemical reactions, etc).

Right now we're working with a doctor in Eastchester, about two hours away from where I live, who's helped my little boy in about eight months more than all these other doctors in the past eight years. If anyone's interested in getting touch with this doctor, contact me via Twitter (@project05952381).

It's been over eight years holding on to my faith on a cure and/or therapy that we keep looking. This blind faith that God would lead us to a cure and/or therapy for my little boy might be the reason why I started going back to church (whatever Christian denomination) and eventually opted for FAPC (http://www.fapc.prg/). I even had my youngest boys baptized at FAPC (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2009/05/two-baptisms-two-wet-ones-to-go-please.html).

In all, I keep holding on to my blind and at times senseless faith. I know God will deliver, but I wish I knew when and what. In all, everyone has a cross to bear and mine is my child, my beautiful sick child.

trying to raise my boys as Christians

I'm trying to do something that my parents never really did for me. They had or seemed to have little to no religious tendency or desire when I was growing up. Surprisingly enough, I was taken to church to do my First Communion -- perhaps as a real desire for me to be Catholic or simply as a cultural activity and/or a norm reinforced by society.

My father used to meet with Jehovah's Witnesses (http://www.watchtower.org/). As a small child (under six years of age), I remember seeing magazines like Awake and The Watchtower around our home. Through out all this time (several years after hippies, flower power and what's now referred to as "new age"), he started reading Tarot and even had a crystal ball (acts and practices that can be considered witchcraft or simply unholy) to exploit what would be considered extrasensory perception (ESP; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extrasensory_perception). Nonetheless he was still calling himself a Christian. During his third marriage (about four years after separating from my mother), he started going to some Protestant church. I can't believe that he really feels what he's doing. I still are it as a cheap charade.

My mother was more distanced or simply apathetic about religion. About 15 years ago, she started following Sai Baba (http://www.sathyasai.org/). From her point of view, she's still a Christian although going to Hindu temple/group at least once a week.

In all this mix, my maternal grandmother (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/remembering-my-grandmother.html) taught me the little I knew and understood of being Catholic.

I feel like I've told this story thousands of times.

As I wanted to point out, I want to raise my boys as Christians. At least there has been no problem in the case of my first-born. His mother was raised as a hardcore Catholic going to Church almost every Sunday (if not always). Now my younger two have been a true test, but I hope I'm getting there. Then again, I don't have the real religious background to teach them.

My over all knowledge of Christianity and faiths is basically based on what I've read and studied the Bible and other religious texts. My practice is still fairly limited (textbook knowledge vs wisdom from practice).

Since I mentioned ESP when criticizing my father, I also have some level of ESP. I can feel good and evil, trust and lack of. Once about two decades ago, a priest asked me if I believed in witchcraft, to which I said I did (and still do). He only asked never to practice it. Maybe he knew my father or could feel how strange I could be at times. In all some might call it a gut feeling. Then again I might simply have a very smart gut.

Now how can an unholy be a Christian after all and teach his young about the Trinity of God?

my church friends, unexpected fellowship

When I started going to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/), making friends was something I had considered. After all, that had never been my experience in any religious circle. As a matter of fact, my experience had been that of the individual sharing practically nothing in common other than considering ourselves to be "true" Christians.

During the first months, I read a lot of information on Christianity, divisions and differences in the Church, denominations, schism, Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Knox and anything else I could get my hands on. I wanted to make sure that what I had considered to be a "true" Christian would somehow fit into whatever new ideologies I was encountering in this different church. Nowadays Protestant Christianity makes more sense to me than my previous 37 years calling myself and/or being considered Catholic (born into a Catholic family/society and going to Catholic churches, all the while considering Protestants wrong).

Going back to the main subject, I started talking to other church goers asking questions here and there -- nothing special, nothing personal, other than the Christian faith. I then started going to these one-hour talks/classes. I slowly started hanging out in church with the same group of people and making friends there without realizing (fellowship). I also took several Bible study classes and met others and got to know some of the previous group of people somewhat better.

These new group of friends are guys whom I can talk, joke, laugh, eat (perhaps the favorite activity) and most importantly share a common faith (being Christian, perhaps with some differences in Christology -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christology --here and there). As a matter of fact, nowadays some of my dearest friends are from church. At the same time, I'm very grateful to some of them for helping me grow as a Christian and a better person (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/05/open-letter-to-my-friends-86-weeks.html).

I doesn't stop to amaze me how weird this one church is that these random people (myself included) have come together from different parts -- all coming to a common time and place in the universe. I don't think any of them is from NYC (myself included though living 27 years in this city).

afraid not to go to church one Sunday

Sometimes I wonder if it'd be too much of a big deal if I don't go to church one Sunday (considered a mortal sin in the Catholic church and tradition -- an idea not highly promoted in the Protestant Church). Well on my own accord, aside from breaking my personal record of 87 weeks straight going to church (FAPC; http://www.fapc.org/), I might feel that I could start skipping more Sundays perhaps much more often to the point where I might stop going all together. It's happened before and I've ended up not going to church for almost 13 years. I'm afraid to once again falling into a vicious cycle of going to church Sunday after Sunday and then disappearing for years at a time.

For the time being, I don't have any valid excuse (definitely no reason at all) to stop. I'd continue going to church -- specifically FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) where I feel most comfortable.

Now I must admit that I'm not sure if the increasing number of weeks that I've gone to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) feeds my ego or nourishes my soul. All I know is that I want to continue going to church at least once a week. Said the latter, at times I've gone to church three to four times in the same week as a personal need to get something. It used to be shelter, a way to hide from the world and from myself, a way to find God.

Nowadays what's that need and why do I have it? Could it be that I've found God and now I'm not too desperate to continue looking for him? Could it be that once again I'm losing my faith? Am I being truthful to myself and to God worshiping every Sunday and/or spending many hours in church (8:45am to about 2:00pm almost every Sunday, excluding summer time)?

the Catechism vs the Bible

Having grown up in the Roman Catholic Church, I can now see the level of Christian and over all religious ignorance that I had and still have. We didn't study the Bible since we neither needed to or had any incentive to do so. Maybe this ignorance was key in being and forming the Catholic mind. At most, we studied the Catechism (http://www.usccb.org/catechism/; http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM). Yet we called ourselves "true" Christians with a certain degree of arrogance especially to Protestants.

Now going to a Protestant church, I've had the opportunity to read and study the Bible as well as questioning religious beliefs and practices -- some with deep Pagan roots. Does studying and questioning make Protestantism better? Well it does in order to really know who and what God really is and not be led blindly.

As all human organizations or anything touched by human hands, religions and the millions of interpretations of each are imperfect. Hence Christianity is broken and at times corrupted faith (several generations of accusations of sexual abuse primarily, yet not limited to the Catholic Church).

Since I'm on the topic of being subject to imperfection (not always good) and corruption (evil), I never understood as a Catholic the whole concept of saints and the need a Pope as the human representation of God on earth, as God's top priest. After all humans -- including the clergy and the Pope -- are imperfect and over all broken with all the good and evil in the world. Further more, history is plagued with corruption from the Roman Catholic Church including adultery, slavery, child abuse and assassination; http://www.reformation.org/holocaus.html.

Why am I beating on the Catholic Church? Well I still bear scars of this broken subculture and, yes, I do realize that I'm beating on a dead horse.

Am I closer to God having defected from the Catholic Church and adopted Protestantism? No, I'm not, but at least I feel more honest to myself about my beliefs in God.

Said all this, does it all make a smarter or at least a better person? I doesn't make me smarter since I'm sharing this with the world. It does make me a better Christian (person) having this broad understanding of the differences in Christianity and my curiosity to explore them all.

smudged with ashes

Lent is less than 24 hours away. Tomorrow I'd go to church and get my forehead smudged with ashes from last year's palms or so we're told. As a Christian, I'm supposed to give up something sinful and/or wrong in my life for the rest of my life especially for the next 40 days. I have no idea what I'll give up this time around, but I must confess that I couldn't give up what I tried last year. Does this make me a bad Christian or a bad person? Well someone upstairs will sure decide.