According to the program "Gates of Hell" on the History Channel, different societies have believed that the entrance to hell's here on earth -- emphasizing on the three-tier belief adopted by Christianity that Heaven's above us (sky), earth's where we live and hell's underneath us (magma, center of earth).
One thing that emphasized on this two-hour program's that Christianity's based lots of its traditions (scaring, converting people, etc) in the concept of damnation (fire, punishment in the flesh, eternal suffering, etc; yet psychological torture hardly mentioned).
I've got no doubt that hell exists. I believe that I've gone through the horror of hell many times in my life and come back just to feel them many times again (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/as-my-soul-ran-away-at-night-every.html).
Nonetheless I don't think it's a place underneath the earth's crust. I believe that it's a spiritual place where souls are tortured.
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
reincarnation
Many believe in the idea that a soul's inhabited a previous body (life) and that the soul will occupy another body once the present body dies -- whether or not there's a waiting period between lives. In such belief, the soul carries the sins from the past life to the next one and must purge these sins somehow.
Depending who you talk to on the topic of reincarnation, there are two secondary beliefs. Some believe that these life cycles occur a specific number of times; by the end of which, we're saved or condemned. At the same time, others are more generous as for them these cycles continue till the soul's purged all its sins (Krishna belief of achieving enlightenment).
This beliefs exist outside a predefined religion as members of a religion might believe or ignore the concept of reincarnation.
If all the latter were true, this could explain why, from the moment we're born, some of us seem to start paying back for sins that we might have done in a previous life. If so, how would our understanding of God be affected? Could God have us been born to merely continue a life that we're not aware of and pay for sins that we can't recall? It'd be a cruel god. Of course, we, as Christians, want and need to believe in a just God. Hence most Christians would see reincarnation as an idea that can't exists within our understanding of Christianity.
There's a little twist in this belief. Some people believe that the next life in human form (most likely, if it were true), but some believe you could return as a lower animal.
On a personal level, I don't know what to think. The idea of reincarnation isn't quite my cup of tea, but at times I wonder if it were true. Who could I've been? Who'd I be in a future life? Note that I refer to coming back in human form and not as a lower animal form. Then again, if I were to come back as a lower animal, I'd rather be a lion or an eagle. Of course, this is just too twisted and not really part of the Christian doctrine.
Depending who you talk to on the topic of reincarnation, there are two secondary beliefs. Some believe that these life cycles occur a specific number of times; by the end of which, we're saved or condemned. At the same time, others are more generous as for them these cycles continue till the soul's purged all its sins (Krishna belief of achieving enlightenment).
This beliefs exist outside a predefined religion as members of a religion might believe or ignore the concept of reincarnation.
If all the latter were true, this could explain why, from the moment we're born, some of us seem to start paying back for sins that we might have done in a previous life. If so, how would our understanding of God be affected? Could God have us been born to merely continue a life that we're not aware of and pay for sins that we can't recall? It'd be a cruel god. Of course, we, as Christians, want and need to believe in a just God. Hence most Christians would see reincarnation as an idea that can't exists within our understanding of Christianity.
There's a little twist in this belief. Some people believe that the next life in human form (most likely, if it were true), but some believe you could return as a lower animal.
On a personal level, I don't know what to think. The idea of reincarnation isn't quite my cup of tea, but at times I wonder if it were true. Who could I've been? Who'd I be in a future life? Note that I refer to coming back in human form and not as a lower animal form. Then again, if I were to come back as a lower animal, I'd rather be a lion or an eagle. Of course, this is just too twisted and not really part of the Christian doctrine.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
restless me, always burning adrenaline
I remember when I first heard this word. I might have been in the second or third grade and I knew the textbook definition. It was good enough for spelling quizzes and tests at the time, but I couldn't understand the concept of not having (lacking, being without) rest. Several years later, I've come to understand the concept of not being able to rest (hyperactivity, worries, etc) regardless how tired I could be at any given point -- always burning adrenaline like a drag-racer burning fuel on a asphalt track to nowhere. Hence I get bored easily and need constant stimulation (watching TV, listening to music, etc). Perhaps the general need for stimulation triggers my mind to function continuously thinking, worrying, reading and/or writing (as in the case of all the material that you can see that I produce every day). It's awkwardly difficult for me to rest. As a matter of fact, I don't really know how to rest other than getting myself so tired that I practically pass out -- just as a priest told me (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/as-my-soul-ran-away-at-night-every.html). In all, I'm total mess -- as if anyone cares.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
animals, better than men
Considering the fact that humans are also animals yet above other animals thanks to our intelligence, irrational animals are kinder and much more honest (hence better). Even the most vicious beast's more sincere. It doesn't pretend to like you. It just wants to eat you alive or simply kill you (no gimmicks, no lies).
We consider ourselves much better since we possess a better (or sole, depending whom you ask) capacity to think. This conscience defines what humans are in general giving us the capacity to have a spirit and/or soul. We're just too selfish thinking that humans are the only creatures who'd inherit Heaven.
In Krishna, all living creatures fulfill an obligation -- the will of the Godhead. Hence each creature depends on all others for a common purpose or divine plan. This belief makes much more sense than all the crap we hear everywhere else.
Well where am I going with all this? For many years, I've been kinder to irrational animals rather than to humans (rational animals). Perhaps this is why I compare those humans I love to monkeys, dogs or other faithful animals.
In part, my respect and love to animals is why I'm a vegetarian. The other part's my health and unhealthy digestive system, which was the primary reason yet has become secondary.
By the way, my nine-year-old rode a horse for the first time yesterday. He enjoyed it. He also seemed to appreciate the service this animal offered him (calmness, freedom, being one with nature, etc).
We consider ourselves much better since we possess a better (or sole, depending whom you ask) capacity to think. This conscience defines what humans are in general giving us the capacity to have a spirit and/or soul. We're just too selfish thinking that humans are the only creatures who'd inherit Heaven.
In Krishna, all living creatures fulfill an obligation -- the will of the Godhead. Hence each creature depends on all others for a common purpose or divine plan. This belief makes much more sense than all the crap we hear everywhere else.
Well where am I going with all this? For many years, I've been kinder to irrational animals rather than to humans (rational animals). Perhaps this is why I compare those humans I love to monkeys, dogs or other faithful animals.
In part, my respect and love to animals is why I'm a vegetarian. The other part's my health and unhealthy digestive system, which was the primary reason yet has become secondary.
By the way, my nine-year-old rode a horse for the first time yesterday. He enjoyed it. He also seemed to appreciate the service this animal offered him (calmness, freedom, being one with nature, etc).
Saturday, September 18, 2010
witchcraft
I grew up seeing and believing in witchcraft. Maybe being part Italian didn't help not believing in the occult, evil eye, spells, cleansing of spells, possession, ghosts, demons and other crap like that. Crystal balls, Tarot, oils, good luck charms, fortune telling, using the Bible for evil (witchcraft using the name of God) and something similar to voodoo were things I saw growing up. Part of family practiced several of these acts. As a matter of fact, to make matters worse, Christianity is tainted with the occult and other pagan beliefs. In several parts of the world, Christianity and witchcraft go hand in hand. The worst part of all this is that I've actually witnessed this. Maybe I was simply born evil or from evil nature.
as my soul ran away at night, every night
As a child, I was afraid of sleeping thinking I'd die as soon as falling asleep. This may sound weird, but several times a week I'd feel a terrifying sensation. It felt as if something would rush out of my body tearing me inside in a sound similar to a loud jet airplane during that split second where one's half awake and entering full paralysis of the body. Hence I was fully conscious, but I couldn't move or control my body (merely a mind, a soul, a spirit trapped in what was practically a corpse for a few eternal minutes).
The only way to break these strange occurrences was forcing myself to move my paralyzed body and scream. To say the least, screaming in terror (past the point of fear and horror) in the middle of night afraid to die then and there was enough to practically wake up the dead.
At some point, I started thinking that it was my soul leaving my body. Was I at that point stop my soul from leaving? I hated considering that my soul could leave my body while being fully conscious leaving an empty husk of a body behind.
At some other point in time, I even thought that I was experiencing the horrors of hell. Well I still don't know and perhaps I might never know.
One thing that helped me when I was in high school (15-17) was talking to the priest of the church I used to go to with my best friend. This priest seemed to understand what I was going through. He even asked me if I believed in witchcraft/sorcery (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/witchcraft.html), to which I agreed, and he asked me never to practice it. He also told me to go to sleep tired and so I've tried to do since.
These episodes would come and go several years at a time. I've never known when they'd come or when they'd stop. In all, this has been a part of my life since I was at least eight (8). Eventually the frequency of these events has diminished, but never stopped. I haven't had an episode in several years, but I know it could happen again.
The only way to break these strange occurrences was forcing myself to move my paralyzed body and scream. To say the least, screaming in terror (past the point of fear and horror) in the middle of night afraid to die then and there was enough to practically wake up the dead.
At some point, I started thinking that it was my soul leaving my body. Was I at that point stop my soul from leaving? I hated considering that my soul could leave my body while being fully conscious leaving an empty husk of a body behind.
At some other point in time, I even thought that I was experiencing the horrors of hell. Well I still don't know and perhaps I might never know.
One thing that helped me when I was in high school (15-17) was talking to the priest of the church I used to go to with my best friend. This priest seemed to understand what I was going through. He even asked me if I believed in witchcraft/sorcery (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/witchcraft.html), to which I agreed, and he asked me never to practice it. He also told me to go to sleep tired and so I've tried to do since.
These episodes would come and go several years at a time. I've never known when they'd come or when they'd stop. In all, this has been a part of my life since I was at least eight (8). Eventually the frequency of these events has diminished, but never stopped. I haven't had an episode in several years, but I know it could happen again.
Mork from Ork
I remember watching Mork & Mindy (ABC 1978-82; http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077053/) with Robin Williams (Mork; http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000245/) and Pam Dawber (Mindy; http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001118/) when I was a kid. There was a particular episode, in which Mork traveled to another world (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0651242/). In this trip, his mind went into another being's body and that being into that of Mork. Vacationing was as simple as mind swapping.
This is one of those stories that reminds me of the belief that the soul inhabits in a body (person) -- considering the argument that the mind, the spirit and the soul are the same. Of course, we're taught to believe that we all have souls and these are eternal. At the same time, there are many (not necessarily Christian) stories of souls "walking" the earth, which we'd normally refer to as ghosts. As Christians, we believe that the latter is true. There are some who even believe that the soul escapes from or simply wanders off the body while asleep (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/as-my-soul-ran-away-at-night-every.html).
Going back to Mork & Mindy, it'd be so cool for our minds (souls) to leave our bodies and travel of course returning to our bodies when returning from holiday.
By the way, I'm going to rent the whole series. I've got font memories of staying at my maternal grandmother's flat weeks at a time watching this show in my old beat-up portable (handle on the top) 13" b/w TV set.
This is one of those stories that reminds me of the belief that the soul inhabits in a body (person) -- considering the argument that the mind, the spirit and the soul are the same. Of course, we're taught to believe that we all have souls and these are eternal. At the same time, there are many (not necessarily Christian) stories of souls "walking" the earth, which we'd normally refer to as ghosts. As Christians, we believe that the latter is true. There are some who even believe that the soul escapes from or simply wanders off the body while asleep (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/09/as-my-soul-ran-away-at-night-every.html).
Going back to Mork & Mindy, it'd be so cool for our minds (souls) to leave our bodies and travel of course returning to our bodies when returning from holiday.
By the way, I'm going to rent the whole series. I've got font memories of staying at my maternal grandmother's flat weeks at a time watching this show in my old beat-up portable (handle on the top) 13" b/w TV set.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
another Sunday (08/01/2010)
This morning I woke up, dragged myself to the shower, got dressed, took my medications (8 capsules & pills), hugged my nine-year-old (little one sound asleep), left home half-awake, bought a toasted raisin bagel with cream cheese with a large coffee and took the Q32 for a 45-minute bus ride to church. It was another Sunday morning that I'd go to church to hear the Word of God and a good sermon that could feed my soul while hoping for that solace and shelter from and within God.
Today being Communion Sunday, we shared the feast of Christ (the sacrament of The Lord's Supper) -- a piece of stale bread of delicious life and droplets of grape juice from the cup of sweet salvation -- and hence felt a little closer to God. Faith can be so illogical that it can makes us doubt it.
Nonetheless it was merely another Sunday in church as I greeted my friends -- especially Charlene who starting today is now part of the staff at FAPC (master degree in divinity, but not yet called to be a pastor). As much as I come to church every Sunday, I once again feel empty inside -- lack of faith.
After service, I didn't go to coffee hour although I could've used some coffee to fully wake up. I just took the Q32 back to where I live.
Am I lying to myself? Do I have a real faith that I can hold onto (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/my-lack-of-faith-my-mental-disease.html)? At least, it's clearly now a roller coaster going up and down in that human mystery called faith.
Maybe the question should be how much faith I've got today or any given day. In such case, I felt empty inside this morning, but little satisfied after church.
At the end of the day, faith's simply a mental state, but does my momentary (day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute) state bring me closer to God?
Today being Communion Sunday, we shared the feast of Christ (the sacrament of The Lord's Supper) -- a piece of stale bread of delicious life and droplets of grape juice from the cup of sweet salvation -- and hence felt a little closer to God. Faith can be so illogical that it can makes us doubt it.
Nonetheless it was merely another Sunday in church as I greeted my friends -- especially Charlene who starting today is now part of the staff at FAPC (master degree in divinity, but not yet called to be a pastor). As much as I come to church every Sunday, I once again feel empty inside -- lack of faith.
After service, I didn't go to coffee hour although I could've used some coffee to fully wake up. I just took the Q32 back to where I live.
Am I lying to myself? Do I have a real faith that I can hold onto (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/my-lack-of-faith-my-mental-disease.html)? At least, it's clearly now a roller coaster going up and down in that human mystery called faith.
Maybe the question should be how much faith I've got today or any given day. In such case, I felt empty inside this morning, but little satisfied after church.
At the end of the day, faith's simply a mental state, but does my momentary (day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute) state bring me closer to God?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
my lack of faith & my mental disease
Can it be that the problem with my lack of faith is really my defective brain? Maybe I think so much that I believe too little. Maybe I'm too stupid to have this illogical faith. Then again perhaps I'm too smart to believe in God enough.
In all, it's the constant battle between my brain and my soul, the demons in my head killing the angel that I might have been as a child (if ever), in other words the clash between good and evil in me. This just drives me crazy having two opposites in me killing each other every day. Sometimes there seems to be a truce and feel at peace, but this is rare.
Sometimes people ask if there's a Heaven or if there's a God. I've lived and felt the horror of hell in my flesh and mind. Hence I'm sure there's a God -- the Lord, His Word and His Kingdom. Nonetheless knowing that there's a God in Heaven doesn't mean I've got enough faith.
Maybe I know too much for my own good. Of course, I might just too little that I'm blinded. How could I even think about leading (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/devotionals-pt-3-rock-roll-ministry.html)? I might just be to stupid to think so.
In all, it's the constant battle between my brain and my soul, the demons in my head killing the angel that I might have been as a child (if ever), in other words the clash between good and evil in me. This just drives me crazy having two opposites in me killing each other every day. Sometimes there seems to be a truce and feel at peace, but this is rare.
Sometimes people ask if there's a Heaven or if there's a God. I've lived and felt the horror of hell in my flesh and mind. Hence I'm sure there's a God -- the Lord, His Word and His Kingdom. Nonetheless knowing that there's a God in Heaven doesn't mean I've got enough faith.
Maybe I know too much for my own good. Of course, I might just too little that I'm blinded. How could I even think about leading (http://project05952381.blogspot.com/2010/07/devotionals-pt-3-rock-roll-ministry.html)? I might just be to stupid to think so.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
every Sunday
Every Sunday morning, I meet with a minister right before worship. We talk about what I've done the previous week, what's bothering me and such. Sometimes I look forward to it, but mostly not. Nonetheless I must give credit to this minister who helps me every Sunday morning. She's got lots of patience to deal with me and my weirdness.
Anyway it's been part of my routine for over a year and a half if not longer. I know it's helped me the same way talking to a psychologist helps others (piece of mind) if not more (mind & soul). Nonetheless it hasn't made me a more likable individual as I still have problems getting along with others.
Anyway it's been part of my routine for over a year and a half if not longer. I know it's helped me the same way talking to a psychologist helps others (piece of mind) if not more (mind & soul). Nonetheless it hasn't made me a more likable individual as I still have problems getting along with others.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
afraid not to go to church one Sunday
Sometimes I wonder if it'd be too much of a big deal if I don't go to church one Sunday (considered a mortal sin in the Catholic church and tradition -- an idea not highly promoted in the Protestant Church). Well on my own accord, aside from breaking my personal record of 87 weeks straight going to church (FAPC; http://www.fapc.org/), I might feel that I could start skipping more Sundays perhaps much more often to the point where I might stop going all together. It's happened before and I've ended up not going to church for almost 13 years. I'm afraid to once again falling into a vicious cycle of going to church Sunday after Sunday and then disappearing for years at a time.
For the time being, I don't have any valid excuse (definitely no reason at all) to stop. I'd continue going to church -- specifically FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) where I feel most comfortable.
Now I must admit that I'm not sure if the increasing number of weeks that I've gone to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) feeds my ego or nourishes my soul. All I know is that I want to continue going to church at least once a week. Said the latter, at times I've gone to church three to four times in the same week as a personal need to get something. It used to be shelter, a way to hide from the world and from myself, a way to find God.
Nowadays what's that need and why do I have it? Could it be that I've found God and now I'm not too desperate to continue looking for him? Could it be that once again I'm losing my faith? Am I being truthful to myself and to God worshiping every Sunday and/or spending many hours in church (8:45am to about 2:00pm almost every Sunday, excluding summer time)?
For the time being, I don't have any valid excuse (definitely no reason at all) to stop. I'd continue going to church -- specifically FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) where I feel most comfortable.
Now I must admit that I'm not sure if the increasing number of weeks that I've gone to FAPC (http://www.fapc.org/) feeds my ego or nourishes my soul. All I know is that I want to continue going to church at least once a week. Said the latter, at times I've gone to church three to four times in the same week as a personal need to get something. It used to be shelter, a way to hide from the world and from myself, a way to find God.
Nowadays what's that need and why do I have it? Could it be that I've found God and now I'm not too desperate to continue looking for him? Could it be that once again I'm losing my faith? Am I being truthful to myself and to God worshiping every Sunday and/or spending many hours in church (8:45am to about 2:00pm almost every Sunday, excluding summer time)?
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